


Paper Heart

by space_in_between



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Disabled Character, M/M, Why Did I Write This?, figure skater!seungkwan, photographer!vernon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-16
Updated: 2017-03-16
Packaged: 2018-10-06 01:43:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 29,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10322663
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/space_in_between/pseuds/space_in_between
Summary: Vernon falls in love with the sight of beauty, a handful of dream, and a petite figure with bigger heart who speaks through his fingers. Vernon falls in love with Boo Seungkwan - but if only it was reallythateasy.Note: Sentences with '...' are Seungkwan when he speaks using sign language





	

**Author's Note:**

> hello bij i'm back
> 
> /excuse me while im making a badass entrance/
> 
> (please forgive any grammatical mistake, fyi self edit a 29k thing is not aju nice)

The first time Vernon saw Seungkwan was when he was thirteen, eyes glued to the television screen as the small square thing broadcasted live report of Figure Skating Junior Championship in Canada. Boo Seungkwan, the young Korean rising star was performing impeccable routine for his short program, flawlessness pouring down the way his body moved along with the music. But that’s not what made Vernon couldn’t take his eyes off of the figure skater.

As weird as it sounded for a fifteen-years-old, it was Boo Seungkwan’s expression when he was skating.

“Is it possible for someone to look so bright, brighter than they normally do?” Vernon asked his mother.

His mother smiled then nodded at him. “Sure, it’s possible. That’s what we called passion, my dear.”

“Is it a beautiful thing?” Vernon asked again. His mother nodded.

“Of course, it’s a very beautiful thing. It’s what makes us feel alive when we do something we love.”

 

On the age of thirteen, Vernon learned how to relate passion with something he loved, and something he wanted to do in the future.

He decided he would be someone who captures people’s most passionate moment when they do something they loved when he grew up.

 

*****

 

Years later, Vernon is a photographer for a famous sport magazine, and is very proud to be one.

“It’s a little bit odd that you insisted to be a sport photographer when you have so much to do… something more than that,” says Chan, his colleague in university and in his current company—the closest one in term of photography. “You’re a blessing for photography, Vernon. You can even have your own exhibition, if you want to.”

“Thanks, I’m flattered.” Vernon laughs as he packs his stuffs into his bag. “But you know this has always been my dream. Sure, nature and people are good, but there’s sincerity in sport you can’t really explain until you press the shutter and see it yourself. For me, it’s almost like a primitive reflex.”

“It doesn’t make sense for me, but I do hope everything goes well for you,” Chan sighs and reaches for Vernon’s nametag, an official ID card for media crews for Barcelona Winter Olympic this year. “Wow, this is super enviable. Aren’t you the youngest crew for Olympics in our company’s history?”

“Apparently,” Vernon grins and snatches the nametag from Chan’s hand. “Will you be okay while I’m gone? Your favorite person to bother is nowhere to be seen for a while, so you’ll have to look for another victim.”

Chan waves his hand dismissively. “I’ve enthroned the position to Dongjin, so you don’t have to worry. Just give me some nice shots of hot guys doing ski jumps, will you? I heard Europe had them strong this year.”

“You’re so shameless,” Vernon shakes his head. “And for your information, I’m focusing on figure skating so I’m staying in the arena for the rest of the day. Try pushing your luck at another crew.”

“You’re no fun,” disappointment drawn clearly on Chan’s face, but he laughs nonetheless when Vernon gives him a small bump on the shoulder. “Well, whatever. I’ve always wondered why you are so enthusiast to report about one particular sport when you’re not even playing it, but I guess I know now.”

Vernon raises an eyebrow. “And what is it?”

“You’ve gotten yourself a skater girlfriend! Or boyfriend, for this matter. Am I right?”

Vernon laughs again, smacking Chan’s arm loudly. “You’re insane. I’m not working my ass off this whole time just to be so biased on my job and using a lover as an excuse, I’m not _you_.”

“Wow, that counts as an insult,” Chan growls. “Then, why is that? Skating isn’t even your hobby, even though your preference’s always been weird anyway. There must be one reason for you to be so obsessed on taking pictures of figure skaters.”

“I told you, I’m capturing their passion for a sport they’re doing.”

“You’re saying the other athletes don’t have the same passion?”

“No, it’s different…” Vernon pauses, remembering his first fated ‘meeting’ with Boo Seungkwan that had changed his perspective of life and made him what he’s now. “There’s something special in this sport that the others don’t have. And figure skating is simply beautiful, can’t you just let me go with that?”

“Fine, fine, I won’t talk about it again,” Chan raises both of his arms in surrender. “Good luck, I hope when you’re back from Barcelona you are done being a miserable, loveless guy that really isn’t going with your look.”

“I fucking hate you, Lee Chan.”

 

*****

 

The truth is, Winter Olympic is actually a chaotic event even with the weather being ten degree below the freezing point. For someone who’s never really into sport Vernon finds this amusing, mainly because everyone is constantly busy with voices muffled under thick layer of scarfs.

“Individual men figure skating event is going to start in twenty minutes,” someone—Vernon fails to remember his name, but he knows they’re both coming from media crew and he’s _supposed_ to know—tells him. “You better go now to find a better spot to take pictures. This is one of voter’s most favorite events, so there will be a hell lot of people coming!”

Vernon silently agrees. He somehow realizes people’s interest in figure skating has been increasing in the past few years, and media has suddenly developed a special segment to exclusively interview the three medalists. It’s a common thing in his field of work, even though Vernon doesn’t really like doing it. Fortunately, he _doesn’t_ have to do that since his main job is to take good pictures and please the athletes (and their coaches and managers).

“Oh, aren’t you Vernon?” the stranger asks, eyes blinking curiously. “I’m Junhui, from China. You’re that figure skating specialist photographer from Korea, aren’t you?”

Ah, Vernon remembers now. Junhui and he were sitting next to each other during technical meeting two days prior before they went to check the venue, and they had talked a bit at that time. Vernon was mostly distracted by a lot of things he didn’t pay much attention to his interlocutor, though.

“Oh, sorry, I wasn’t focused that day because everything was brand new to me. But I remembered you, and I’m just an ordinary photographer.”

“Winter Olympics are always full of surprise and good things!” says Junhui cheerfully. “That’s so generous of you. I met another Korean figure skating photographer and he told me that, so you can’t fool me.”

Another Korean photographer who also takes figure skating as his focus, this is new for Vernon. His company didn’t send a lot of people so they’re basically staying with a certain sport they’re reporting. One person one sport is the rule as far as he is concerned.

“I don’t think I know the person you’re talking about,” Vernon says politely. “And if this person does exist, he isn’t someone from my company in Korea so I might not know him. Well, honestly, I don’t know anyone here except my colleagues and none of them is here right now.”

“Hmm, is that so? Anyway, now you have another special acquaintance!” Junhui points at himself smugly. “Come on, let’s go inside! We can talk more and it’s cozy ‘coz it’s warm.”

Vernon let Junhui pull him at the direction of the venue. The indoor stadium is still pretty vacant, but Vernon had guessed it’d be until the athletes are here. Vernon can hear obnoxious fangirl screams everywhere, with ultra-huge banner filled either with the athlete’s face or heart emojis.

Junhui pushes Vernon on the bench after they got inside, and Vernon really should thank him because Junhui chooses a very convenient place for them to take pictures.

“So, who are you rooting for this year? I heard the competition is quite fierce,” Junhui starts another topic.

“I don’t have a particular favorite, but since this is an international tournament, I’m rooting for South Korea, of course. And you?”

“Same with you, except I’m a big fan of this China figure skater. Part of the reason I’m being a sport photographer is to purposefully get star-struck when I meet him,” answers Junhui and Vernon swears his eyes are sparkling. “Anyway, South Korean’s figure skater is strong, too. He won gold three times in a row before the Olympic, right?”

Vernon nods, though he isn’t really sure. He was busy marking his spot for this year’s Olympic team (the competition was also brutal on his company), so he didn’t have time to pay attention to the trivial things like the previous tournaments and such. He did hear one thing or two about Boo Seungkwan’s amazing accomplishment, though.

“He’s good on the rink, too bad his personality doesn’t follow his good track.”

“What do you mean?”

“Oh, you didn’t know?” Junhui blinks. “Boo Seungkwan always left his coach and, I don’t know, probably manager, to speak to the media all the time. He never said a word to us and it’s kind of frustrating because he’s always been that cold to reporters, even though as far as I know, we’ve never harmed him before.”

“Maybe he just doesn’t like to be the center of attention,” Vernon isn’t sure why he feels the urge to defend Seungkwan—who he doesn’t even know personally—but he just… does. Maybe that’s just the sense of nationality. Yeah, that must be the reason.

“You’re probably right, but not a single word since his debut? That’s rude. Being a reporter means we’re trying to get closer to someone as _friends_ , let’s put aside the fact they’re also the reason we got paid.”

“He’d never said anything since his debut?” now is Vernon’s turn to blink; clearly doesn’t expect Boo Seungkwan’s antisocial attitude would go this far. Junhui nods in response, pouting.

“He rarely smiles at us, and always tries to avoid us as much as possible. Okay, he has the right not to like reporters, but he really shouldn’t have gone as far as blocking everyone’s number who tried to reach his phone for interviews. And since then, all his phone calls had been directed to his coach’s phone aka his private spokesman.”

Vernon has heard about people with extreme phobia of anything social and people related. Maybe Seungkwan is one of them—he can be himself on the rink because he’s alone by then. It doesn’t seem so wrong for Vernon.

“Some people just like to talk, some don’t. I think that’s just the matter of personality, no?”

Junhui deadpans at him. “Are you supposed to be a public figure if you hate public speaking so much?”

Well, he has a point. Vernon is saved from obligatory to answer because right after that, they announce that the opening ceremony of this event will be held. All participants stand in the middle of the arena, holding hands then do the 90-degrees bow to the audience. Shortly after, it’s officially announced that the first round of men short program will be the next event happening. Long applauds from everyone seating in the bleachers accompany the skaters when they leave one by one to prepare themselves.

“GOOO!!! YAO MINGMING!!!” Junhui suddenly screams his lungs out, waving his arms like an epilepsy squid to the arena—Vernon’s realization comes on time to see Junhui is cheering for the Chinese figure skater he’s got a crush on. The Yao Mingming person hears him, looks up and waves back with a wide smile plastered on his face.

Ugh, what a sight.

Vernon looks away, and his vision immediately locked at a small figure standing two persons behind Yao Mingming—it’s Boo Seungkwan. He looks just the same with the last time Vernon remembered him, except he looks more mature and kind of, well, cold. It’s not really obvious, but the disinterested look on his face almost tells right away how the ceremony bores him.

He seems to be only care about his skates. What a self-centered person, Vernon thinks. He lifts up his camera and starts capturing some pictures with variety of distance, and takes two close-up pictures of the only Korean representation on the stage.

 

*****

 

_“So, how’s the Olympic going, Vernon?”_

“It’s great,” answers Vernon, fingers tapping the glass surface of the table as he stares at his laptop screen. He hears some rustling sound on the other end of the line, means Chan is currently looking for the best position while talking to him on the phone.

 _“Just great, huh? Boring,”_ says Chan in mocking tone. _“Don’t be stingy, dude! Share me some good stories!”_

“There’s nothing much besides what they’ve said on the news, really.” Vernon pauses to press a key on the keyboard and now he has Seungkwan’s face filling his screen. “Boo Seungkwan made it to semifinal today. He’s one of the strongest candidates to win gold.”

 _“I knew that already, they wouldn’t stop talking about how great and flawless Seungkwan’s performance was,”_ Vernon can practically hear Chan rolls his eyes. _“Have you talked with him? He must’ve been happy to meet his fellow countryman. As bitter as I wanted it to be, you’re still considered legend to join this year’s Olympic team.”_

“Gosh, it’s been three days. When are you going to get over it?” Vernon laughs. “And to answer your question, no, I haven’t. In fact, he didn’t even look the slightest happy to see someone from his country. I’ve tried approached him a few times, but his scary manager is always around and didn’t give me a chance to take a proper picture for the magazine.”

_“So the rumor about he’s an antisocial person is true, then?”_

“I don’t know if he suits the characteristic of an antisocial, he just doesn’t like people, doesn’t like crowds, and definitely doesn’t like talking. I’ve never seen him being close with anyone other than his coach and manager.”

 _“Your description just tells me he’s positively antisocial,”_ Chan says. _“Oh, Wonwoo hyung from Editing Team called me just now to remind you about the photos for article they’re writing, so you’ll need that proper picture of him with or without his manager.”_

Vernon sighs. “Well, wish me luck?”

Chan hums in response. _“Always, buddy. What time is it now over there? It’s lunch break here, and we’re grabbing some sushi together.”_

“Must be nice,” Vernon mourns, suddenly craving for Japanese food as well. “It’s seven thirty and everyone is downstairs to eat dinner. I should go now too, I need to borrow something from Junhui.”

_“Who is Junhui? A girl? A boy? Your new crush? Junhui sounds like Chinese, though.”_

“Shut up. He’s a sport photographer from China and he’s a friend of mine. And to fill in your endless desire to gossip, he has a huge crush for China’s figure skater, Yao Mingming. I must say he’s cute but not my type. Are you happy now?”

_“Not bad, I’ll look for more details later. Send the crew my greeting? Don’t forget the souvenirs!”_

“Yeah, yeah, bye.” Vernon shuts down his laptop and collects his belonging, walking towards the elevator. It is halfway closing so Vernon jogs a bit, catches it in time before the door closed entirely. To his surprise, Seungkwan is inside the elevator and he looks genuinely surprised to see Vernon.

“Uh, hi. You’re Seungkwan, right?” Vernon asks, Seungkwan only nods in response. “I’m Vernon, from Korea. I’m with the media.”

Seungkwan nods again. God, this is so awkward.

“Um, are you going somewhere now? It’s unusual to see you alone, you’re usually with your manager.”

Instead of answering, Seungkwan looks away—cutting off the conversation completely. Vernon has never felt so ashamed and angry at someone before, but he can’t make a scene here.

“Fine, you don’t need to answer that. I don’t need to know.” Vernon takes a deep breath and turns around, his back facing Seungkwan. The silence attacks for the second time and now it’s even more awkward with what happened before, but neither of them opens their mouths. So Vernon lets it be (he wonders why twenty-two floors ride takes so much time) until the elevator suddenly stops somewhere that isn’t at the floor he wanted, and definitely not Seungkwan’s either judging from how pale Seungkwan’s face turns as the light starts staggering on-off.

When the light shuts down, Vernon can only hear his own breathing and panicking gasps from someone beside him.

“You okay?” Vernon asks and Seungkwan answers with vigorous shakes of his head. His breathing is ragged and Vernon is afraid he might pass out soon. “I’ll contact the staff, can you hold on yourself until then?”

Seungkwan nods with his whole body trembling. Vernon presses the emergency button and waits until someone finally responds to his call. It’s a technical issue and they’ll take twenty minutes at most to fix the problem. Twenty minutes isn’t long, but Vernon isn’t sure the person beside him thinks the same.

Vernon grabs Seungkwan’s arms and forces the other boy to look into his eyes. It’s dark but Vernon can catch a glimpse of fear clouding his dark orbs—is it something psychological like childhood trauma? Vernon remembers his doctor friend, Doyoon, told him something about this when he was finishing his psychiatric internship. Vernon doesn’t know how to deal with these kinds of situation, and being the stronger one between the two is the only thing that passes his mind.

“We’ll be okay,” Vernon tells him. “You can… I don’t know; hold on my hand or something? And if being in the dark scares you so much, you can close your eyes. Ah, wait.” Vernon takes off his jacket and puts it around Seungkwan’s shoulder.  “You can cover your face with it.”

Seungkwan nods, squeezing Vernon’s hand as if to say thanks. Vernon pretends he doesn’t hear the erratic sound of his own heartbeat.

 

 

Twenty something minutes later, the lights are back on. Vernon still hasn’t gathered all his consciousness when the elevator door opened from outside and someone is approaching them, or specifically Seungkwan, and hugs him like Seungkwan was drowned on the ocean and not locked in a broken elevator. It’s bad either way, and this person seems to be an overprotective type.

“Are you okay? Are you okay?” the man holding Seungkwan’s petite figure keeps asking. Seungkwan just nods weakly, leaning most of his weight to the man. They look so intimate in… a weird way. Vernon notices the man is Seungkwan’s manager, the number one person whose job is to shush reporters and photographers away from the figure skater. Are they brothers? Brotherly love doesn’t look like this. Are they… lovers?

It’s weird enough to think about it, Vernon says to himself. He feels numb all over his body, but that doesn’t really matter since he still can’t take off his eyes of Seungkwan and his manager.

“We should go. I’ll get you to the hospital. Are you sure you’re not hurt anywhere? I’ll call Soonyoung to postpone the practice and let you rest until tomorrow. We still have time until semifinal.”

Seungkwan just nods and follows whatever move his manager is making. Vernon watches them as they are walking farther and finally disappeared on the corner of the room.

Vernon decides Boo Seungkwan is an interesting guy.

 

*****

 

_“Too bad Boo Seungkwan only won silver after all the cheering you’ve done for the past week.”_

“I’m not cheering for him. I just told you the result of his performance, you asked me.”

 _“No, I’m not always asking about Seungkwan._ You _always provided me every day, fresh news about Seungkwan even when I was asking about something else. I’m almost convinced that you’re actually chasing for him when you were claiming your spot on the team, aren’t you?”_

“Chan, are you still holding a grudge against me even after the competition is finished, now?”

 _“No,”_ Chan answers firmly. _“It’s just somehow I think now Seungkwan has made it to the top 3 of your daily topic conversation alongside your camera, photography, and figure skating. Oh, wait. Seungkwan basically circles around the three, so he’s like the cherry on top of a cake?”_

Vernon facepalms. “Oh my God.”

_“What, admiring that you like him? I can’t believe Choi Hansol, also known as Vernon, rumored best sport photographer in town is actually chasing after some guy’s ass, and that guy is none other than national figure skater! And he’s now depressed because the one he loved didn’t—”_

“Come get me at the airport, we’ll settle this at Starbucks. What do you want?”

_“Caramel macchiato with extra syrup and sprinkles of chocolate, please. What time should I go get you, Your Highness?”_

Approximately three hours later, Vernon and Chan are sitting on a cozy corner of Starbucks, musing over their drinks. Chan has fortunately stopped blabbering about Seungkwan and stopping Vernon’s headache at the same time.

“We’re going to be very busy until next month,” Chan says after a long moment of silent.

“Aren’t we always busy every month?” Vernon asks. Chan shoots him a dirty look. “Yeah, okay, sorry. And why is that?”

“Kwon Soonyoung is holding a special event for South Korean figure skaters, to commemorate 20 years of collaboration between his dance studio and our national athletes. I’ve heard he was coaching lots of our figure skating living legends back then, and he was asking so nicely over a letter to our boss. Who could ever say no to him? He’s still super-hot in his 30s. You don’t have to be gay to say he’s very attractive.”

“Our magazine fills the segment for an event for socialites like that?” Vernon raises an eyebrow. “That’s not my specialty, so I guess I can withdraw myself from the chaos. Good luck with that, Channie.”

Chan clicks his tongue. “Don’t be so picky with your work. You’re one of the best we’ve ever had, so of course you’re going to be there. We can’t lose our face in front of him, Vernon.”

“Ha, talking about integrity in our teamwork.”

“That’s a different matter. We didn’t lie, anyway. We’re just saving the best for last.”

Vernon rolls his eyes. “Fine, so when is this event happening?”

“The gala event will be at end of the month, and small events here and there until next month.”

“Can I just take part on the gala event? I have my own works piling up.”

Chan frowns, thinking hard. Vernon finds himself sighing in relief when Chan nods in agreement. “Okay, you can go to the gala event and leave the rest to me. But that would only mean you’ll accompany our reporter to interview Kwon Soonyoung himself, take it as compensation for you have failed taking a proper picture of Boo Seungkwan on Winter Olympic.”

Vernon smiles bitterly. “Fair enough,” he says.

Another silent occurs, and Vernon almost falls asleep if Chan doesn’t break it all of sudden. “Oh, Vernon, are you still in good term with your doctor friend… who was his name again…”

“Jang Doyoon?” Vernon cuts in. Chan flicks his fingers excitedly.

“Yeah, I meant him. Are you guys still friend or he has ditched you for someone better?”

“Sadly we’re still friends,” Vernon sips on his drink in annoyance. “What? Are you in need to stitch your mouth so you can appropriately shut up?”

Chan raises an eyebrow hearing that. “No, it’s my mother. She’s been feeling weird on her stomach for a while and the last checkup says she has acute appendicitis and they need to perform surgery on her. I don’t want to get paranoid over nothing, so I think a doctor who friends with someone I know will prevent that. Can I suggest her to Jang Doyoon’s hospital?”

Oh, so this is a serious matter. “Sure, I’ll contact him for you.”

Chan immediately beams, “Well, thanks! Come on, finish your drink and let’s go to your apartment. I know you’ll need someone to clean up since your place is so messy just like your life.”

“Mm-hmm, and I’m more than ready to throw all the mess I made to your ugly face.”

“Hey!”

 

*****

 

Vernon first befriended Jang Doyoon over an accident that almost killed him and broke the other guy’s legs at a ski resort where both of them spending winter holiday with their respective family. Vernon didn’t remember the details because he was passed out, but he knew Doyoon did first aid to his wounds so it wouldn’t be fatal and dragged him safely back to the inn before collapsed in fatigue. That was awfully dramatic, but Vernon always felt thankful because that was the beginning of his pretty much normal friendship (the majority of Vernon’s circle of friends is just weird) with the med student, now surgeon Doyoon.

Years passed and they’re still friends, sometimes Vernon uses Doyoon as channel to get the best medical treatment because Doyoon knows a lot of people (Doyoon suggested it first and Vernon didn’t find any reason to object). Sometimes, people who know about his relationship with Doyoon will also ask him a favor to connect them to Doyoon for the same purpose, and usually Vernon doesn’t really mind.

So, here he is; at the hospital where Doyoon works, sweet talking the nurses on the station to let him meet the surgeon who apparently still sits in a meeting. Vernon tries to coax them to let him wait in Doyoon’s room, but they don’t allow.

“We’ve sent a notice to Doctor Jang to meet you directly right after his meeting, Mister. Please wait a bit.”

Vernon, tired of trying, finally agrees. He flips through a brochure about diabetes mellitus to kill the time, and just right before he feels boredom hits him, he sees that person.

It’s Boo Seungkwan with his faithful and devoted manager, and another man that Vernon knows is his coach. The manager and coach are discussing about something while Seungkwan merely listens with his head down and face covered in mask.

Vernon can’t help but wondering about the last time he met Seungkwan. He looked so frightened and even grabbed at Vernon’s hand despite knowing Vernon was a total stranger, but he didn’t let out any noise—and it was strange enough. It doesn’t apply to everyone, but isn’t someone’s natural reaction when they’re afraid is screaming? Well, someone might lose their voice when they’re terribly scared, so that probably works in Seungkwan’s case.

Hence, it only makes Vernon even more curious. He’s watched so many videos of Seungkwan in kiss and cry, and he never, _never_ ever spoke even one word to the media regardless of his result. He would just walk to the backstage, leaving his coach or sometimes his manager to do all the talk for him. Seungkwan would only appear to take photos with the other two medalists, and he would leave right after that.

 _Maybe he’s just really conservative with his energy and words_ , Chan said to him. Vernon thinks it’s stupid, but maybe he’s right.

Seungkwan and his two men enter a room right when Doyoon appears on the other end of the corridor, waving his hand at Vernon. Trying to keep his cool, Vernon stops staring at Seungkwan’s direction and replies Doyoon’s wave.

“Did you wait long?” Doyoon asks, fist-bumping Vernon as the first thing he does when they’re finally face to face. “Our hospital is holding an international surgeon conference this year so everyone is busy as heck.”

“’s fine, I just came.” Vernon smiles at his friend. “I’m here to ask for medical recommendation letter for my friend’s mother. She has acute appendicitis and my friend wants someone from your hospital to take care of her, preferably you, because we’re acquaintance.”

“Sure, I can give it to you. I will need some personal information of the patient and her guardian, please tell your friend to return this to me as soon as possible so I can put her on queue.” Doyoon hands Vernon an empty form. “Do you need anything else?”

“Uh, no, thanks.” Vernon puts the papers inside his bag and looks around, looking hesitated. “Can I ask you something private?”

Doyoon nods. “Sure, what is it?”

Vernon gestures with his finger at Doyoon to come closer. Doyoon leans down a bit to listen at Vernon whispering, “Do you know if something had happened to Boo Seungkwan? That national figure skater, I mean.”

Doyoon pulls back, shaking his head. “I haven’t heard anything about him lately. Why? And I know you’re a sport photographer, but I can’t believe you hunt your target down to a place like this.”

“I’m not hunting him down, I just happened to see him earlier with his men.”

“His what?”

“No, nothing,” Vernon grins. “Is he frequently coming here?”

“He usually does his routine medical checkup here,” answers Doyoon. “You look so weirdly suspicious. Why are you suddenly mentioning him? Did something happen in Barcelona?”

“No, I’m just curious, Doyoonie. I mean, he’s a national figure skater with tons of fans, isn’t it normal wanting to know a bit more about him? Besides, I’m a reporter.”

Doyoon rolls his eyes. “Your obsession with figure skating still hasn’t calmed down, huh?”

Vernon shrugs, “Just wondering, though.”

“Sure, youngster’s curiosity is terrifying,” Doyoon mocks him. “What else do you want to know? Shoe size? Underwear brand? How many siblings he had at home and what pet he raised?”

“You can stop being so sarcastic, I’m not stalking him.” Vernon laughs and Doyoon snorts a laugh beside him. “But if you insist, I want to ask you this one question: is he gay?”

Doyoon looks taken aback with the sudden explosion, and blinks rapidly before answering, “I don’t know. How would I know, anyway? It’s not something I could just ask someone directly like I’m asking about the weather.”

It’s true. And why does Vernon want to know? Even if Wonwoo or his boss asked him to get some personal data, he won’t include this part.

“You said I could ask you something about him.”

Doyoon puts down his pen and sighs. “Okay, let me answer this properly. I don’t know about his sexual preference or orientation, because as far as I know he’s not someone who likes being labeled. He’s an independent being, but I guess you can say that from the way he is during his skate.”

“I see,” Vernon rubs his chin. “As someone who’s an independent being, he sure doesn’t have a lot to talk about.”

“He doesn’t really like talking, apparently. What, are you doing an interview with him?”

“No, we’ve done it back in Barcelona with his coach. It’s a little disappointing, though, public wants to hear something straight from the skater’s mouth but probably we still have to wait for that.”

“He doesn’t deal well with public and gets nervous easily, that’s what I heard his coach said. Or probably, he just doesn’t feel like talking after his performance. I’m sure he had a lot running on his head and it could be stressful enough for him to just say hi to the media.”

Doyoon is right, Vernon never thinks about it. He’s so narrow-minded sometimes—shouldn’t be a photographer expands his perspective of life about how people move around him? Vernon still has a lot to learn.

“I’m going, then. Thanks for the letter,” Vernon gives Doyoon a salute gesture. “Good job today, Doctor Jang.”

“You too, Reporter Choi,” Doyoon replies with a laugh.

Vernon leaves the hospital with another point highlighted about Boo Seungkwan.

 

*****

 

Kwon Soonyoung is a Korean ex-dancer and active choreographer who had spent more than a half of his life in America to build his strong career in ballet, and he’s a very famous one, if Vernon could say. Even though he’s now old enough to be called Sir, his face doesn’t go with his age. He still looks extremely fresh and young for a man who almost hits his 40.

He has amazing personality and that immediately explains how the hell he got to invite so many people and everyone seems to be close to him. Most of them are public figures or entertainers, and Vernon had fun capturing different expressions coming from the crowd. They are alive, just like passion Vernon had always admired, but in different kind of live. People’s expressions tell too much for someone to handle, but never too much for a camera lens.

The gala event is held in a ball room of one of the most prestigious hotels in Seoul (Vernon had to spend two hours dressing himself with the help of his friends, who had spent more than three hours already) and if someone doesn’t know Soonyoung is the one behind this, they must’ve thought this was a movie premiere event. The atmosphere is luxurious and elegant, but the party itself isn’t that formal. Vernon can hear laughing and chatting clatter here and there, everyone seems to be enjoying themselves in this party.

Vernon was looking for a quiet place to drink his champagne when someone pats on his shoulder. Vernon turns around to find a smiling Soonyoung stands behind him, and he flashes his best smile in return.

“Mr. Kwon, what a surprise.”

“My, my, aren’t you Vernon?” he asks, and beams when Vernon nods in confirmation. “I know your company and I must say your magazine is my favorite. I wish I’d opened a dojo or something, so I could ask you to interview my students.”

Vernon chuckles softly. “I’m actually doing that, you were choreographing our skaters’ routines and they were amazing. Are you sure you’re a dance teacher and not a former figure skater?”

“No, my background was hip hop dancing. I switched to ballet in the middle of doing mid-air somersaults and triple windmill, and was mesmerized by the exquisiteness I could release myself while doing so. And then, here I am.” Soonyoung stretches out his arms, laughing. “I heard you’re going to interview me?”

“Ah, yes, three full colorful pages. Is that enough?” Vernon asks jokingly. Soonyoung looks amused and laughs again.

“I think it’s enough, and I want my picture to come out great,” he replies. “But I have to go and greet my guests until later, so I hope you won’t mind waiting.”

“We’re fine. Take your time, Mr. Kwon.”

“Thanks, and you can just call me Soonyoung hyung. Enjoy the party while it lasts,” Soonyoung pats Vernon’s shoulder in friendly way, “and oh, you should befriend with these young skaters I’ve gathered here. I believe they’re in the same age as you, and now they are huddling over there,” he points out to a direction and then moves to greet a group of people who just arrived. Vernon trails her finger, debating whether to follow his advice or not, and decides he could do that later.

There’s always a chance he will meet Seungkwan here and Vernon still doesn’t know how to act normally in front of him. The elevator incident went by roughly a month ago, but Vernon still couldn’t forget about it. And the fact that he might be the only one remembers it embarrasses him.

Vernon shrugs and starts sipping on his drink. Suddenly, his eyes catch something stuck on his shoe—something like a sticky note, that Vernon believes wasn’t there a minute ago. He stoops down to pick it up, reading a simple handwritten of _Is the alcohol bad? I want to try_.

Vernon frowns, that doesn’t sound like a message left for someone. It’s more like a non-verbal communication, which means the sender can’t speak. Vernon’s eyebrows knit together in deep thought as to find out who in the world uses this kind of thing to communicate—it’s a damn party where everyone unintentionally grouping with another with similar interest, someone who walks around carrying sticky notes would be so noticeable.

And then, almost like reflex, Vernon found Seungkwan. He sits in a table on the corner of the room, writing on something that looks a hell lot like a sticky note. Seungkwan tears it off and sticks it to someone’s back, turns out to be his manager. His manager laughs, takes the note off his suit jacket and reads it. He smiles and lifts a hand to ruffle Seungkwan’s seemingly fluffy hair, and Seungkwan pouts in response.

His manager then makes a gesture with his hand, _wait here for a moment_ , Vernon construes. He could read hand gestures since high school and has been joining in a deaf-mute voluntary camp thanks to Doyoon’s expansive link to charity works. And now the problem is: why would Seungkwan understand how to talk with signs, and why would he do that?

A series of realization hits Vernon like a truck. Seungkwan never talks to anyone, Seungkwan always relies to someone else to do the talk for him, Seungkwan always avoids crowded place where his face is easily recognized and reporters who always ask a lot of things. Seungkwan who didn’t respond to his question in the elevator, Seungkwan who didn’t scream in panic even though his whole body trembled with fear. Seungkwan who people dubbed as extreme antisocial, Seungkwan who communicates using sticky notes, Seungkwan who understood sign language while it wasn’t something for commoner.

Seungkwan doesn’t talk not because he doesn’t want to, but because he can’t.

He’s mute.

 

*****

 

When Vernon has finally gathered enough courage to approach Seungkwan, more than a half of the room are scattered to either dance with their partners, chat in a small group somewhere at the corner of the room, or munch on snacks and drink. It’s good, because he won’t attract anyone, and nothing seems wrong with a sport magazine photographer to… have chitchat with national figure skater.

Vernon stands in front of Seungkwan, moving his hand in a gesture of _May I sit here?_

Seungkwan looks up, smiling. Wow, he doesn’t recognize Vernon, apparently. Vernon can’t tell if this is a blessing or not. Seungkwan nods as an answer and points at the chair across him.

Vernon sits at the place Seungkwan chose for him, eyes never leaving the smaller boy. Seungkwan seems so fragile up close, and he looks different. The Seungkwan Vernon knows is a lively boy who skates with his heart and soul and traps everyone to follow his every move, leaving them gaping in awe because Seungkwan’s body _tells story_. The one Vernon sees right now is just an ordinary boy who tries to fit in the situation he hasn’t gotten used to.

“Not enjoying the party?” Vernon asks, and Seungkan seems surprised before shaking his head. He looks down to write something on his note, tears it off, and hands it to Vernon.

 _I’m just not fond with crowded place_ , he wrote there.

“I see,” Vernon twists the small piece of paper on his hand. “So you don’t like crowded places, also don’t like dark places. Am I right?”

Another note comes to Vernon. _How did you know? Have we met somewhere before?_

Vernon lets out a small sigh. “We met about a month ago in Barcelona, Winter Olympics, remember? At the elevator when it suddenly broke and we were the only two inside. You didn’t answer my question and I was offended, but that was before I knew you were… well, mute.”

Colors drained from Seungkwan’s face. He stops writing on his notes and clutches the small thing tightly on his chest, Vernon can see his hands start trembling. Is he going to cry?

“Don’t worry, I’m not planning to tell anyone about it. It doesn’t benefit me in any way, so you can relax. I found one of your notes earlier and I was just wondering why you never seemed to get close to anyone aside from your coach and manager, and never wanted to talk to the media. People thought you’re an antisocial.”

Seungkwan puts his note back to the table and quickly scribbles on it. Vernon waits patiently; this must be longer than his previous messages.

_That’s the image I wanted to build. I don’t want to be anyone’s friends because they will just leave me when they know about my secret._

Another note follows. _Aren’t you a reporter? I can read your ID card. Did you lie about knowing my condition didn’t benefit you in any way? You could just make a headline with it._

Vernon snorts. “Gosh, I’m not that petty. Also, I’m a photographer, not exactly a reporter. Making headline is not including my field of work.” Vernon looks at Seungkwan straight on his eyes, making Seungkwan shifts uncomfortably. “Say, do I look that suspicious to you? I came here to ask you to be my friend, not doing an interview with an athlete even though you’re national’s rising star and such. I’m coming as Vernon Choi.”

Seungkwan bites his lower lip, thinking. He then looks down to write something on his notes and tears it off, shoving the piece of paper at Vernon.

_I’m Seungkwan. And the person you called my manager isn’t actually my manager, he’s someone important to me and sometimes he acts like one._

Vernon can’t quite follow the phrase—so is he his brother or lover or someone else? How wide the range of ‘someone important’ can go? But Seungkwan already looks away, and Vernon doesn’t want him to get weird impression on their official first meeting.

Vernon’s phone rings with incoming call from his team, wondering where the hell he is now when he’s supposed to take pictures of Kwon Soonyoung on his exclusive interview.

“I have to go,” Vernon gets up and smiles at Seungkwan, “nice to meet you, Seungkwan. I’m looking forward to what you can do on your next tournament. Enjoy the rest of the night!”

Vernon heads outside the room with a small smile playing on his lips.

 

*****

 

Vernon meets Seungkwan again at Bavarian Cup, an international figure skating competition held in Germany early next year. The weather is still as cold as it was back in Winter Olympics, and it snows really hard, but that doesn’t stop Vernon—who goes to report with Chan—from work. Seungkwan recognizes him this time, and Vernon gives him a gesture of good luck when their eyes meet. Seungkwan nods shyly—Vernon can see his cheeks are tainted pink under the bright light of the stadium. Gosh, how cute.

“Isn’t that Seungkwan?” Chan pipes in, luckily he wasn’t fast enough to see Vernon’s hand gesture. “I’ve never seen him made such a face. I mean, he looks happier?”

“You know nothing about him.” Vernon replies dryly.

“Ay, trying to defend your crush?” Chan cackles beside Vernon. “You better watch out, see that man wearing suit over there? He never got his eyes off of Seungkwan. Is he his bodyguard or something? He looks dangerous.”

Vernon narrows his eyes and sees Seungkwan’s manager (he’s still going to call him that until Seungkwan tells him by himself) looking busy as ever. Sometimes he stops whatever he’s doing to look at Seungkwan’s direction when Seungkwan is preparing his skates, and then calls Seungkwan’s coach to talk to him then leaves to the backstage.

“Did you see that, Vernon?”

“See what?”

“Seungkwan’s face was glowing up when he saw that man earlier. Wow, such a bond exists between men?”

“I don’t know why but it sounds creepy when you said it.”

Chan glares at him, but quickly shrugs it off. “Anyway, who was that? I feel like his face is familiar but I don’t know where I’ve seen him before.”

“It’s his manager, and you’re familiar with his face because he often stands for Seungkwan’s place to give comment to media after Seungkwan’s performance. And the other man he spoke with was his coach, Kang Baekho. Former three times Olympic medalist and GPF winner for four times in a row. Anything else you need to know?”

Chan stares at Vernon, impressed. “Now, now, are you something like a Seungkwan-expert encyclopedia? Have something happened in Barcelona back then?”

Vernon scoffs, “Nothing happened there, smartass.”

“Hmm, I wonder. You’ve gone super soft whenever we talk about Seungkwan after you got back from Barcelona, and I might be right after all. He’s your—”

“Crush, someone I like, whatever, you can go on, I don’t care. If anything, we’re just friends and even if I _do_ feel something special toward him, you know I can’t go past his scary manager so nothing will eventually happen between us. Happy?”

Chan laughs, feeling satisfied. Vernon curses at him jokingly under his breath. “I’m joking, dude. It should be okay because you’re like, the only photographer in this country who takes serious interest in figure skating? They must be grateful because you’re technically the part of their marketing team plan to promote the sport. You’re probably also the reason behind Kwon Soonyoung’s permission to exclusively interview him.”

“Stop flattering me,” Vernon shoves a fist to Chan’s shoulder. “Soonyoung is a professional. He wouldn’t mind to do interview if it’s about work.”

“They said he’s a little bit difficult because answering questions isn’t something he enjoys doing,” Chan shrugs, “but that point is already passed, everyone is happy, hooray.”

Vernon shakes his head. “Also, I can’t be the only photographer who focuses on figure skating the entire nation. This sport may not as popular as baseball and badminton, but it’s not _that_ underrated.” He remembers Junhui said something about he met another Korean photographer before he met Vernon, and that fact still disturbs Vernon until today.

“I don’t know. I just feel that way because I’ve never seen someone as passionate as you about figure skating when you’re not even skating yourself. The popularity of this sport is growing, so that may be true.”

Vernon doesn’t prolong the topic. He’s so deep on his thought he doesn’t realize someone was watching his gestures somewhere from behind.

 

*****

 

The next time Vernon meets Seungkwan is at Helsinki, Finland, each to report and to attend World Championship on late March to early April. They bump to each other in the backstage and Seungkwan quickly avoids any eye contact before he looks up when Vernon calls his name.

“Sorry I didn’t look – oh, hey, Seungkwan.”

Seungkwan responds with an awkward nod, because a lot of people were there. Vernon catches the situation so he only pats Seungkwan’s shoulder and whispers him good luck. He really wants to talk with Seungkwan about many things, but that can wait. He can’t ruin Seungkwan’s concentration now and the possibility of him being eaten alive by Seungkwan’s manager is wide open.

Seungkwan tugs on his sleeve when Vernon is leaving. The latter turns around to see Seungkwan is mouthing something at him— _wait here, later_. Seungkwan wants him to meet him again later? That’s a lot coming from an athlete who never seems to trust anyone except his closest people. Vernon isn’t sure why Seungkwan wants to meet him, but he can’t really say no. He decides to just go with the flow.

“Okay, I’ll see you again here later. You should go now, they are waiting.”

Seungkwan is satisfied enough with the answer, so he lets go of Vernon’s arm. He leaves the room, smiling, leaving Vernon stands there dumbfounded. Has he really just witnessed Seungkwan _smiling_ because Vernon said he’d wait for him?

Vernon’s lips form a lopsided smile. Boo Seungkwan is really, really interesting.

 

 

Later, Vernon spends some time struggling with the crowd to finally able to enter backstage—the place is a total mess of emotions; some crying in joy and others crying in despair. Vernon itches to capture the moment but he knows it’s inappropriate, especially because this place isn’t his place to work and it’s just rude.

He’s still busy craning his neck to find Seungkwan when someone pulls on his arm; Vernon almost shrieks in surprise. Seungkwan quickly puts a finger on his lips and Vernon nods dumbly in aftershock.

Seungkwan pushes Vernon to his dressing room and closes the door after looking around and makes sure they don’t look suspicious. He suddenly disappears behind the curtain to another part of the room, and Vernon decides he would just welcome himself here and sit on the couch. There are a lot of small, crumpled yellow pieces of paper near his feet; he notices it as Seungkwan’s sticky notes right away. He picks one up and reads: _Thanks for waiting for me._ Vernon raises an eyebrow and picks another one. It says: _I’m sorry I’m such a bother but I’m really happy—_ oh, he didn’t finish that one. Another one says: _Thank you for coming. I’ve never had someone waiting for me before._

What a cutie, Vernon chuckles. He proceeds looking at the other small notes until Seungkwan comes back after changing his clothes and he gasps in panic at what Vernon is doing. If he could speak, maybe he would scream _What the fuck are your filthy hands holding and your dirty eyes looking at???!!!_ right at Vernon’s face, but he couldn’t, and just let out small panicky noises like a trapped puppy.

He’s so cute that Vernon can’t even ask him what’s wrong, but he gets his answer just a second later when Seungkwan snatches the papers from him and hurriedly collects the ones on the floor. His face is as red as a tomato when he stands up to discard them to the trashcan nearby.

Silent, and an awkward one, that is. Vernon clears his throat several times before asking, “Are those notes for me?”

Seungkwan looks up, his fearful eyes meet Vernon’s calm ones. He fidgets uncomfortably and his face gets even redder than ever. His small, trembling hands pulls out a small piece of yellow paper and gives it to Vernon.

 _I’m glad you came here because I thought you were joking about asking me to be your friend_ , it says. Vernon laughs softly, this guy is so incredibly cute for someone on his twenties and his straightforwardness makes him even cuter. Vernon enjoys the variety of expressions on Seungkwan’s face—is he more expressive than most people Vernon had met before because he couldn’t express it with words?

“I wasn’t joking, of course. I really wanted to be your friend and I was the anxious one thinking you would actually push me away.”

Seungkwan quickly scribbles something on his notes and hands it to Vernon. _Not my fault. No one had ever tried to be my friend before._

“Not their fault, you always act so distant and they thought you were an extreme antisocial. Oh, wait, you told me you’re building that image on purpose?”

Seungkwan pouts and scribbles angrily on his notes. _What else I can do? They’re sure going to walk away when they find out I can’t speak. Seungcheol hyung said that was the best thing to do._

“Seungcheol? Who is Seungcheol?”

_Someone you said was my manager._

Oh, that special person. _Oh_.

Vernon feels slightly irritated to know someone had made Seungkwan do this. Why should he go as far as asking Seungkwan to be someone he isn’t? True, being mute is disadvantage for Seungkwan’s future as a figure skater, but that’s just as bad as not having a single friend on his entire career.

_Don’t you dare blaming Seungcheol hyung; I did it because I wanted to. Seungcheol hyung only gave me options and I chose them myself._

Vernon holds himself from rolling his eyes in annoyance. This Seungcheol guy sure has big impact on Seungkwan’s life he even defends him when Vernon isn’t saying anything. Or maybe his expression says a lot more?

“How did you know I was going to blame that Seungcheol hyung of yours?”

_I can see from your face._

Bingo, Vernon thinks. Seungkwan is so sensitive to facial expressions, both of his own and someone else’s. Vernon folds the note carefully and leans dangerously close to Seungkwan, who simultaneously leans backward.

“So, why did you want to see me here?”

Seungkwan looks panic, he scribbles something on his notes, crumples and throws it away, and the cycle repeats for three times. Vernon holds Seungkwan’s hand because _really_ , is it normal for Seungkwan to feel jittery like, right now? He should’ve seen this coming after he asked Vernon to meet him, right?

“Hey, hey, don’t panic. I’m not angry or anything, I just want to know. It’s okay if you don’t want to tell me.”

 _I don’t want you to think I’m creepy_ , Seungkwan writes, pouting. Gosh, Vernon really wants to laugh now. Maybe with some additional pinching on Seungkwan’s cheeks or his nose, but that would make Vernon the creepy one.

“No, you’re not and I’m not thinking that way. Calm down, okay?”

Seungkwan nods, now he’s writing something on his notes slowly. _I just want to talk to you. As a friend, friends talk with each other, don’t they?_

This guy seriously can’t get any cuter than this without being arrested by the police, Vernon thinks. “So, I suppose you have a specific topic to talk about with me, then?” he asks in super-polite way and that only makes Seungkwan blushes harder than before.

Seungkwan shakes his head, playing with his fingers. Vernon chuckles and shrugs, enough playing with this boy because Vernon’s afraid he might cry if he goes on. He shifts closer to Seungkwan—in which causing the other boy to quickly be alarmed—and makes a gesture with his fingers. Seungkwan stays still, but looks interested.

“This means friends, and this one,” Vernon changes the formation of his fingers a bit, “means friendship. So, if you wanted to say you want to build a friendship with someone, you can use this gesture. Did you know about this?”

Seungkwan shakes his head, looks down to write something. _I don’t really use sign language because I don’t know much about it, only the simple ones._

“The ones that won’t catch too much attention when your precious hyung uses them in public?” Vernon guesses. Seungkwan nods with a hint of pink on his cheeks at the mention of his beloved hyung. Vernon, again, holds the urge to roll his eyes in annoyance.

“Well, that’s understandable. I used to volunteer in a camp for deaf and mute people with my friend, so I’m pretty good at it. Want me to teach you some?”

Seungkwan knits his eyebrows, thinking. He shoves another note at Vernon, saying: _Not everyone could read sign language. Does that mean I can only use that when I talk to you?_

“Not necessarily true, but yeah, considering I’m the only one who knows about you outside your… circle of people. And sign language is environmentally friendly because we don’t waste papers. You do know papers made from trees, right? With fewer trees we have, the more effect of global warming we get.”

Seungkwan pouts, the next note comes slapped into Vernon’s forehead and Vernon can’t help but laugh. _I’m sorry I’m wasting papers but do you think I have another choice? Try being mute, it isn’t easy._

“I know it’s not easy, that’s why I’m trying to teach you this. There’s gonna be a time where you’re too tired to write, you know. This is more convenient because you could say a lot with only small amount of energy. It goes the same for my favorite thing, origami, but I guess we’re not talking about it just yet.”

There’s a small pause before Seungkwan hands Vernon another note. _Seungcheol hyung also knows sign language but he never taught me because I’ve never asked_ , he wrote.

“Yeah, sure, that Seungcheol guy sure is dependable. So, are you going to learn from me or that guy?”

_He’s too busy so he might not have the time. Could you do that on his place?_

Being a replacement for someone Vernon doesn’t like without even having a decent reason isn’t something that sounds nice for Vernon, but this is Seungkwan, and if that means Vernon could spend more time with Seungkwan as a friend, Vernon won’t let this go.

Boo Seungkwan is interesting, after all.

“Sure,” Vernon smiles, “I’ll teach you from the basic ones. Do you know how to make a full simple sentence with pronouns?”

 

*****

 

“This is so, very, very suspicious,” Chan says, eyes narrowing on Vernon like a predator on its prey. “Where did you go after the event? I didn’t see you anywhere until so much later after hundreds failed attempt to reach your damn phone, and you just appear out of nowhere looking hella fine like nothing’s happened.”

“I’m meeting a friend,” answers Vernon casually. “I’m still doing my job, though.”

“Yeah, but you left me just like that and that wasn’t felt really nice,” Chan snorts. “Did you meet that Chinese reporter again?”

“Nope, he’s probably busy sneaking into Yao Mingming’s dressing room to give him head—” Vernon pauses at Chan’s disgusted face before they both laugh at the sudden mental image. “The conclusion is, whoever I met earlier is not your business and you don’t have to worry because I can balance my private life with my work pretty well. You should’ve known that after being my friends for years, you dumb.”

“I know, but you’re still super suspicious and you don’t have any right to call me dumb. Come on, tell me. If not Junhui… then were you with Oh Taeoh?”

The name sounds foreign in Vernon’s ear. “Who’s Oh Taeoh?”

“A Korean reporter from a company I’ve never heard before, and he asked about you when you disappeared into the thin air. Is he an acquaintance of yours?”

Vernon shakes his head. “Did he say something?”

“Not really, after he told us the name he only asked if I have seen you somewhere because you’re not with the rest of the crew, and when I told him I haven’t, he just went away. I mean, he didn’t even tell me the reason he wanted to see you so I thought you knew him personally.”

Vernon remembers the Korean reporter Junhui told him back in Winter Olympics. He’s never heard someone named Oh Taeoh and Vernon can’t be forgetting someone he knew, moreover if that someone comes from the same work field with him.

“Yeah, maybe he’s someone I know but I don’t remember.”

“He seems to have an eye for Boo Seungkwan.”

Vernon’s ear twitches. “What makes you say that?”

Chan shrugs, missing the way Vernon’s expression changes completely. “I peeked into his camera and all the pictures he took were Seungkwan. The angles are weird, I don’t understand why someone with an amateur skill like him could get certified to report at an international event.”

“Did he look suspicious?”

“Like you? No, he looked rather normal, not even close to a brat in love.”

Vernon smacks his friend’s arm. “I mean, did he look kind of weird, like a stalker?”

Chan pauses to think, and shakes his head. “No, he looked... how should I put this? I think he looked okay. If we put aside his ability to take pictures, that is. Maybe he’s just a fan of Seungkwan? A lot of people among us do that, they take advantage of the tools we have to satisfy their need to drool over some famous people.”

Vernon lets out a sigh, “Yeah, maybe you’re right.”

 

*****

 

Seungkwan had been able to memorize a lot of sign language for simple expressions when the end of the competition is getting nearer, and his curiosity leads him to ask a lot of things to Vernon.

The funny thing is, Vernon gets a VIP pass to the rink Seungkwan uses to practice and the funnier thing is, Seungkwan had asked him to meet not-so-secretly because Seungcheol didn’t know, but Seungkwan’s coach knew and he was cool about it as long as Seungkwan didn’t neglect his routine.

“Wait, I should congratulate you for getting to the final first. Aren’t you supposed to be practicing right now? And practicing sign language doesn’t count.”

_‘Thanks. I’m done with my routines, now I’m taking a break.’_

“Good, now you can talk back with your hands. Who taught you such a thing?”

Seungkwan laughs soundlessly and Vernon never felt so happy to see someone laugh beside him. _I’m going insane_ , he tells himself. He wonders why that doesn’t feel so bad. Seungkwan then asks him about the sign of feelings, because he’s not really good at expressing himself and write them down is just too embarrassing.

“People on the camp taught me to use origami for that purpose,” Vernon says. “It’s a lot easier than sign language in my opinion. A piece of origami represents the whole thing you want to express, isn’t it just amazing?”

_‘Really? Give me an example.’_

“My favorite ones are star-shaped for someone you admire and heart-shaped for someone you love,” Vernon explains. “Making origami to express your feeling is similar with talking with your fingers. You can also use them as gift, because who doesn’t love origami? You’ll never too old to fold papers into cute shapes and make people happy when you hand them some.”

Seungkwan smiles, he’s never thought about it. He was so isolated inside the universe he created himself, and had never let anyone step in. He was always too afraid—he knew he’s far from perfect to match with social standard and he knew he wouldn’t be accepted as a member of society with his condition. He held tight to people who stayed with him and pushed the others away, comfortable enough with his small world.

He was fine with that until he met Vernon.

Vernon is someone weird, a total stranger, who suddenly appears in front of Seungkwan and barges into his comfort zone and makes his place to stay, all without Seungkwan’s permission. He looks calm and collected outside, different with most reporters Seungkwan knows, and he holds so much mysteries and Seungkwan can’t help but wanting to unveil them one by one. Vernon doesn’t seem to mind, instead Seungkwan feels like he’s actually pulling him closer.

Vernon is dangerous and Seungkwan isn’t used to taking risks, but Vernon makes him wants to be someone he doesn’t know he could be.

“Hey, are you okay? You look off.”

Seungkwan blinks, shaking his head immediately. _‘Teach me how to do it, please.’_

Vernon laughs and he lifts a hand to ruffle Seungkwan’s hair. “You don’t have to be so formal, aren’t we in the same age? How old are you? I’m twenty two-going on-twenty three.”

_‘I turn twenty three too this year.’_

“Great, so we don’t have to talk with formalities and such because they’re a pain in the ass,” Vernon grins. “Here, I have secondhand papers I don’t need anymore, but it would be such a waste to just throw them away. Which one do you want to make first?”

_‘The star one, I guess.’_

“It’s the harder one, but I suppose you’re just into challenges,” Vernon smirks. “Okay, let’s start! First, you fold the paper like this; you have to make sure all the edges are touching each other. And then you repeat to the other side, see the lines over here? Good. And next…”

 

*****

 

Kang Baekho is the first recipient of Seungkwan’s origami masterpiece, and the man looks genuinely amazed with Seungkwan’s handiwork.

“You made it yourself?” he asked. Seungkwan nods, he glances at Vernon and giggles. The latter flashes him a thumb up from a distance.

 _Because you’re the best coach I’ll always pay respect and look up to_ , Seungkwan wrote on his note. Coach Kang laughs, ruffling Seungkwan’s head fondly.

“Oh, so now you know how to open up to people and express your feeling, huh? Good job.” Coach Kang glances at Vernon and smiles, “Thanks Reporter Choi, I’ve been wondering how to teach this kid to tell people honestly about how he feels because he’s awful in it. This method seems to work well.”

“I’m glad I could be a help,” Vernon replies with a wide smile. “Are you interested in learning sign language too, Coach Kang?”

“I’m not sure I can do this, but I’ll give it a try. It seems fun, and they would think I talk in secret code with Seungkwan. Like, you know, baseball and basketball coaches usually do that with their players on the match. Speaking honestly, I want to be the part of the trend.”

Vernon laughs, agrees. “Okay, we’ll start from the basic, then.”

 

 

Seungkwan won gold medal on final two days later, he finished first with the highest score and even broke the record for individual men’s free program. Vernon gestures a _good job_ at him from the bleacher and Seungkwan replies with a gesture of _thanks_ before disappearing on the crowd to avoid the reporters who endlessly chase on him, as usual.

 

*****

 

Vernon and Seungkwan’s first official unofficial meeting happens in mid-April when it’s a break for most senior figure skaters. It’s break time for Vernon too; Chan and the others are taking his place to report from the junior skating championship. Chan threw a fit about it before he agreed to fly all the way to Ireland because Vernon, _that bastard_ —sure he had to add that part in his angry speech—obviously only wants to report when it comes to Boo Seungkwan, Korean’s figure skating sweetheart, and probably Vernon’s own too.

Vernon doesn’t approve but doesn’t deny either; he lets his team interpret Chan’s words on their own.

And now, away from the pandemonium of cameras’ blitz and nosy reporters and impatient audiences, the circumstance wraps Vernon and Seungkwan on their meeting this time is a calm and soothing atmosphere in a café Vernon comes as a regular since his freshmen year in university. He doesn’t expect to see Seungkwan here all alone and takes it as a gold opportunity—who knows when his cold manager will show up?

“Hey,” Vernon pats Seungkwan’s shoulder gently, “do you mind if I sit here?”

Seungkwan shakes his head, smiling. Vernon returns the smile and pulls a chair across Seungkwan’s. “Fancy seeing you here, are you alone?”

Seungkwan nods. He writes something on a small book (oh, so it’s not sticky notes anymore, Vernon notices) and hands it to Vernon. _Seungcheol hyung is having an impromptu meeting with my coach and Soonyoung, my choreographer. Also, we can’t use sign language here. It’s way too bizarre to not catch people’s attention._

Vernon nods. “Okay, that’s fine. Then today I’ll do all the talk so you don’t have to write too much,” he grins at Seungkwan who sheepishly smiles at him—he’s so _fucking cute_ Vernon almost loses it. “Ah, wait; can I have your number? I think it’s much more convenient to talk to you personally even when we can’t see each other.”

_I don’t have a phone. Seungcheol hyung and my coach handle everything for me and I don’t see why I need a phone, I can’t use it to call anyone anyway. As for texting, I prefer to do it manually._

Vernon sighs, “Are you a type who does everything conventionally or you’re just a nerd?”

Seungkwan grins as he writes: _I’m a nerd who likes to do everything conventionally. I really value face to face meetings more than long distance phone calls or texts._

“Okay, that goes the way of your thinking. But having a phone can be so much help when you’re in a dangerous, incidental situations where you need help as soon as possible, for example when you’re trapped like when we were in the elevator—”

Vernon stops talking when Seungkwan’s face suddenly got paler. “Forget it, forget it. I’m not talking about that. But my point is, having a phone means to have people close to you even when they are actually not. You get it?”

Seungkwan shrugs. _Seungcheol hyung and my coach often argue with each other because one didn’t pick up the other’s calls with various excuses. We won’t be able to do that on face to face meetings._

Vernon sighs again in exasperation. “Fine, you can go with that and live your life comfortably without a phone.”

Seungkwan grins; he won.

Vernon snorts a laugh at the boy across him. “Are you really that happy?”

Seungkwan nods vigorously. Vernon chuckles, it feels like he’s talking with a five year-old, not national’s figure skating sweetheart who just won gold medal in World Championship two months ago. Vernon wants to stay beside this boy longer, to dive in details he never knew he was curious about. Seungkwan had changed his way to see life since he was very young, and Vernon wants to know if adult Seungkwan still has the same effect he had more than ten years ago.

And the crazy idea suddenly pops on Vernon’s head.

“Hey, Seungkwan,” Vernon calls, “let’s go for a stroll.”

Seungkwan blinks in what Vernon believes as disbelief. Well, Vernon has to say he himself is surprised to have such an idea.

 _Is it okay?_ Seungkwan writes carefully. _I’ll have to ask for Seungcheol hyung’s permission because nobody ever asked me to go anywhere, and I’m scared_

“Are you scared I’m going to kidnap you?” Vernon snorts and laughs bitterly. “I appreciate your honesty, but _please_ think about this. If I’d really intended to do that, I wouldn’t go as far as being your friend. I’m an efficient type and I don’t like wasting anything, which goes for my energy and effort as well.”

Seungkwan lets out a small smile. _I trust you, but Seungcheol hyung still has to give the green light first_ , he writes.

“Sure, take your time asking him. But I don’t have your number, so give me an alternate to meet you and have the answer your Seungcheol guy gave you.”

Vernon was just going to apologize for saying rude things about someone seemingly so important for Seungkwan by looking down at him, but he sees Seungkwan shrugs and hands him another note. _Meet me at Kwon Soonyoung’s studio this Saturday, 3 pm. I’ll see you outside the building._

Vernon smiles, “Deal.”

 

He’s never been so excited for something for a long time now.

 

*****

 

“Seungkwan, are you really going for a date?”

Seungkwan stares at his coach, confused. _‘What are you talking about?’_ he gestures.

Coach Kang takes a seat beside him, shooting him a serious look. “Seungcheol called me this morning and was making crazy sounds similar to an angry grizzly bear about someone asked you out for a date. And you’re not telling him who you are going with, it drove him crazy.”

Seungkwan sighs and tugs at his coach’s hand, writing on his palm using his index finger. _He’s. Just. A. Friend._

“Oh, it’s a he?” Coach Kang raises his eyebrow in interest. “Okay, just a friend, you said. But Seungcheol didn’t sound too happy when he informed me that, so he probably sensed it was already passing the borderline. Am I right?”

Seungkwan pouts and writes on his coach’s palm again: _Hyung doesn’t even know who he is, he’s not angry about that._

“Well, that’s true. Maybe he’s angry because someone is trying to snatch his baby from him,” Coach Kang laughs. “Let me guess. Does this have something to do with that reporter? I doubt he’s merely someone you know, since you’d let him meet you at practice and so on.”

Seungkwan doesn’t immediately answer, and the reaction only presses Coach Kang’s postulation. “Ha, I knew it! You youngsters are easy to read. I knew he wasn’t just reporters since you’re developing some kind of allergic of them when they’re around. He even discovered your secret and eventually be your _friend_. Guess he’s a great guy if you’re fine with him knowing about you?”

Seungkwan shrugs. Coach Kang rolls his eyes. “Come on, now I start to understand why Seungcheol was very offended with him asking you out—Seungcheol must’ve thought it’s just rude for him to ask you out without meeting him first. That person is worse than a strict father; I wonder why his husband decided to marry him.”

‘They love each other,’ Seungkwan gestures and shoots his coach tiny heart bullets using his fingers while Coach Kang pretends to be shot to death. They laugh together, only stop when Coach Kang reaches out an arm to ruffle on Seungkwan’s hair.

“I won’t tell Seungcheol anything. But let me give you a small advice: follow what your heart says. Your brain may think it’s wrong and misplaced, but feelings don’t go with some sort of thinking. If they make you happy, go for it. If they make you sad, leave them.”

Seungkwan nods when Coach Kang ruffles his hair again. “I guess this is the time when I tell you good luck?”

Seungkwan pouts, but he smiles anyway. _‘Thank you, Coach,’_ he gestures sincerely.

“You’re welcome, Seungkwan.”

 

*****

 

Vernon has always thought his meeting with Seungkwan is something fated. And to finally meet his manager like, officially, after caught him watching Seungkwan intensely from afar is something his considers as fate as well.

Seungkwan’s manager—who’s his name again—leans his back against the door of his car, and he quickly reacts when Vernon steps closer. He eyes Vernon from head to toe, frowning deeply like Vernon is a criminal and he’s here to investigate him. Vernon feels obviously uncomfortable and he clears his throat, bowing slightly to the older man.

“Are you here to see Seungkwan?” Seungkwan’s manager—Vernon has finally remembered his name, Seungcheol, after a painfully long moment to recall his memory—asks in not-so-likeable tone. Vernon nods slowly in response only to find Seungcheol walks upon him and stops right in front of Vernon’s face.

“Ah, you must be the reporter Seungkwan suddenly can’t stop mentioning about. What business do you have with him?”

“I’m meeting Seungkwan here today, he promised to give me an answer for my offer a couple days ago.”

Seungcheol’s eyebrows knit together, “And what offer did you make to Seungkwan without asking my permission first?”

“I asked him out for a walk. It’s not a date, if that’s the thing you don’t want to hear, it’s simply a walk between friends. I’m a photographer and I know a lot of good places, maybe Seungkwan can get some inspiration for his next skate? Anyway, I can guarantee that this offer is absolutely harmless.”

Seungcheol snorts. “Did Seungkwan teach you to narrate your whole sentence like that to flatter me?” he asks, half-mocking. “I heard about it, Seungkwan asked me for permission and he was so persistent about it I couldn’t say no. I’ve had a presumption that you’d be the one behind this plan.”

Is it a compliment? Is it an insult? Vernon can’t really distinguish the two with the amount of sarcasm Seungcheol uses, but probably it was supposed to be a direct hit for him. Still, Vernon holds back a smile, he can’t wait to see Seungkwan and tease him about it.

“I suggest you to go and never come back if your intention here is to hurt my Seungkwan,” Seungcheol says with a voice colder than any winter wind. “Seungkwan had gone through a lot of hardships with his current condition and that’s why I asked him to appear cold and unfriendly, to say it bluntly it surprises me that doesn’t waver you even slightly.”

Vernon doesn’t respond. He knows Seungcheol hasn’t done speaking.

“I’d never had a problem with someone befriending Seungkwan, but past experiences gave me disappointing result as Seungkwan kept getting hurt from it, and I thought Seungkwan had had enough, but then _you_ showed up.” Seungcheol pauses to shoot laser through his eyes on Vernon’s body. “If you ever be the reason Seungkwan is down, I’m going to haunt you and chop your dick off and – ouch!”

Seungcheol and Vernon simultaneously look back to find Seungkwan, who has just hit Seungcheol hard on the back, standing there with hands on his hips _. ‘What did you say to my friend?’_ he gestures at Seungcheol, and the older guy just laughs.

“You heard that? Sorry, desperate time calls for desperate measure.” Seungcheol pulls Seungkwan into a quick hug and kisses his forehead softly. “Be careful and make sure you’re back before dinner. Your nagging mother hen is home tonight and he promised to cook us yakiniku.”

Vernon watches Seungkwan stands on tiptoe to kiss Seungcheol’s cheek. Vernon quickly looks away, unsure how to react at the intimate moment.

_‘Are you good? Shall we go now?’_

“Yeah, let’s go.”

 

 

After three hours of land trip, Vernon and Seungkwan are arrived in a place that used to be a place for Korean figure skaters to practice for international events, somewhere outside the city. Now that they’ve gotten better and bigger place, the rink is neglected, until Soonyoung bought them just recently.

“I’m sure you recognize this place. Or, you have an experience of practicing here?”

_‘Yeah, I came here several times with my coach. But why are we here?’_

“Soonyoung bought the whole place and he’s planning to do total renovation to open an ice skating school. So, I was sent here to take pictures of the last moment of this building. I thought that it was a good idea to bring you along.”

Seungkwan holds back a smile, _‘And why did you think that?’_

“I don’t know, hoping you could provide me some good back story?” Vernon laughs when Seungkwan chuckles. “My friend is in charge of writing about this building before the renovation starts, and a national figure skater knows best about this building. So, it’s like hitting two birds with one stone.”

 _‘I only came here to practice, not studying history,’_ Seungkwan gestures and Vernon shrugs nonchalantly. _‘But I could tell you this building was precious to us because until my generation, here was where we first hung our dream up on the ceiling.’_

“Wow, really? Can I use this as materials for the article? I could keep you anonymous if you want.”

Seungkwan glares at Vernon, and instead of answering, he walks into the main rink which isn’t closed for some reasons—and was the first place to be restored when Soonyoung bought the building. Vernon lifts his camera, capturing the way Seungkwan approaches the rink like he’s reuniting with his long distance lover.

Seungkwan opens his bag to reveal a pair of skates; which is not surprising since he’s just finished practicing, but it still leaves Vernon in awe. He’s used to watch Seungkwan from the bleacher and not getting good angles to take any picture of him when he was preparing for his performance, so seeing him doing it up close is something novel for Vernon.

And Seungkwan is truly beautiful at whatever he is doing.

Vernon keeps pressing the shutter; every second is too magnificent to go without decent technique to memorize all of them. When Vernon puts his camera down, Seungkwan is already on the rink—smiling wide and spinning his petite figure around, lifting one leg to a pose Vernon knows as layback spin. It doesn’t end there, of course. Seungkwan rotates his skates on the ice like he’s made of feather and finishes his little show with sprinkles of ice around his snow white skates.

Vernon puts down his camera to give him standing applause, and Seungkwan responds by bowing ninety-degrees at him.

 _‘How was that?’_ Seungkwan asks. Vernon gives him two thumbs up and Seungkwan seems satisfied with the answer.

“That was wonderful, really. I didn’t think someone could do that without music, I mean, I’ve never seen a figure skater practicing before so I instinctively associate their performance with music.”

 _‘That was what I performed when I first came here as junior,’_ Seungkwan gestures. _‘And that was when they asked me about my dream.’_

“What was your dream?” Vernon impulsively asks and he has no time to regret because Seungkwan’s face already brightens up (and no, Vernon doesn’t regret it at all). “No, wait, what _is_ your dream? Asking you in past tense just sounds a bit rude for me.”

 _‘To stand in the podium of GPF as a gold medalist,’_ Seungkwan answers firmly from his gestures. _‘The dream hasn’t changed and I’m still working on it now.’_

“I’ve always thought someone with a dream was really cool,” says Vernon suddenly. “They have a reason of what they’re doing and it’s not something just everyone can do. For example: me. I dreamed of being a photographer and now that I have become one, I don’t know if I still have another dream.”

_‘You just haven’t found it? Every photographer has their own passion.’_

“Yeah, and I’m contented enough to work on one,” Vernon lifts his camera and takes another picture of Seungkwan; his face looks so cute with that confused expression. “My passion is to become a sport photographer and I’m focusing in figure skating. Right now I’m doing my dream job, right?”

Seungkwan smiles, quietly slides to the side of the rink and takes off his skates. He puts them back inside his bag and takes a seat beside Vernon. _‘May I ask you something?’_

“Sure, go ahead.”

_‘What makes you so interested in figure skating?’_

Vernon knows sooner or later Seungkwan will ask him about this, and Vernon promised himself he will not avoid. Seungkwan has the right to know no matter how weird it sounds for him.

“I saw you on Junior World Championship when I was thirteen,” he answers rather calmly and Seungkwan is the one who’s surprised. “And your routine moved me a lot to the point I wanted to become someone who captured the beauty of figure skating because I saw something I’ve never seen before. My mother told me it was passion, and I believed so. Years later, here I am.”

_‘It happened almost ten years ago.’_

“Yup, isn’t it amazing? No one in my family is actually a figure skater yet I love the sport so much I even memorized the jumps and spins. Well, not completely, but I can proudly say I know the basics. Wait, don’t test me, I’m not going to answer.”

Seungkwan smiles, it’s too bright for Vernon not to return it with a wider one. The photographer offers a hand to Seungkwan, “Let’s get something to eat before we get back to Seoul.”

Seungkwan accepts the offer gladly.

 

*****

 

It’s when Vernon takes Seungkwan home he realizes that he’s in love.

The realization comes hitting him like a truck – Vernon has never thought his special feeling for Seungkwan could be taken this way, has always denied every time Chan tried to bring it up. But then, Vernon can’t do anything about his feeling, and it’s way too late to hide or disappear completely from Seungkwan’s sight.

So he just what he thinks is right – he pulls Seungkwan’s arm and kisses him, prolong the kiss to swallow Seungkwan’s shock until he’s relaxed on Vernon’s arms. And when Seungkwan’s eyes flutter close, Vernon kisses him again.

He only lets go when Seungkwan gasps, out of breath. The blush coloring Seungkwan’s face tells Vernon that everything was _just right_.

 

*****

 

“Chan, I’m in love.”

_“What, with me? Hold on, buddy, I know we’re best friends and we have the motto “pals before gals”, but that doesn’t mean I can look at you differently and—”_

“Will you shut up or I really need Doyoon to stitch up your mouth? I’m talking about Seungkwan, not you.”

_“Ah, so you’ve finally realized that you’re pining for him? I told you so. You’re always so dense and insensitive to your own feeling.”_

“Well, thanks, I guess? You’re my best friend and I thought I should tell you about this first. Just in case you need something to bitch about tomorrow morning, although I hope you’re not.”

_“Vernon you dumbass, I won’t bitch about my best friend’s love life experience in the office, even when I’m running out of gossip. Don’t worry, take your lovey-dovey time. This will always be a secret until you told me otherwise. Also, send Seungkwan my regards. Tell him I was taking the role of cupid for the two of you.”_

“Yeah, I’ll tell him later. And we should change our motto, it’s invalid since both of us are gay.”

_“We can come up with something new when I see you tomorrow. You owe me the whole story, man! And I brought you souvenirs from Ireland.”_

“Great, thanks. Good night, Chan.”

_“Good night, lover boy.”_

 

*****

 

“Seungkwan, what are you doing so late?”

Seungkwan turns around to see Doyoon, Seungcheol’s husband standing in front of the slightly ajar door with concerned face. Seungkwan points at his laptop sitting on the desk and gestures, _‘Music.’_.

“Oh, you’re going to change the music for your program?” Doyoon seems interested. “It’s rare for you to do it without telling Seungcheol or Coach Kang first. What is it? Are you hiding something from us?”

Seungkwan shakes his head but his rosy pink cheeks say otherwise. Doyoon smirks, pushing the door open wider and jumps into Seungkwan’s bed.

“A little bird that is way too big to be called little told me today you were hanging out with _someone special_ ,” Doyoon hums, emphasizing the someone special part. Seungkwan bumps his head to the desk - of course Doyoon would hear that. “And now, I demand the full version story!”

Seungkwan pouts at Doyoon. _‘Coach Kang promised he won’t tell,’_ he protests.

“He promised not to tell Seungcheol because well, we all know how my husband is. But he didn’t promise you to hide it from _me_.”

Seungkwan sighs, Doyoon has the point. He’s mostly right when he says something, he and Seungcheol can’t win against this man.

_‘We just walked, and talked a bit, and he treated me for lunch. And then we went home.’_

“Hmm, are you sure? That’s so little coming from someone who inspired you to change your song for your program.”

Seungkwan rolls his eyes. Doyoon laughs, picks one of Seungkwan’s pillows on the bed and hugs them on his chest. He looks at Seungkwan with those soft looking eyes and smiles.

“Do you like him?”

Seungkwan seems taken aback by the question but he nods in reply, face flushed to the tip of his ears. _‘I think I do like him,’_ he confirms with trembling fingers. Doyoon shifts from the bed to reach for Seungkwan’s hand and holds them tight.

“Then, it’s the only thing that matters. The rest can just follow,” he says softly. “Vernon is a good person, Seungkwan. And I know him well enough to trust you to him, because I knew he’d treasure all things he loved. It may take a while for Seungcheol, but he will accept it sooner or later.”

Seungkwan is totally bewildered at Doyoon’s words. _‘How did you know?’_ he asks in panic.

“Oh, Vernon is my old friend, and we’re still in good terms until today. Your coach only mentioned about a certain reporter and I knew it was him right away, because he could speak with sign language. He was with me in the camp I told you and Seungcheol that one time, remember?”

Ah, Seungkwan remembers something about Vernon told him he was volunteering in a camp for deaf and mute people. He doesn’t have any idea it would be the same camp Doyoon went, and he has absolutely no idea Doyoon is actually a friend of Vernon.

 _‘Will you help me tell Seungcheol hyung about this?’_ Seungkwan asks. Doyoon can see the fear and worry on his eyes, so he nods in appeasement. This is probably the first time Seungkwan has ever fallen in love with anyone thanks to Seungcheol’s strict rules to keep Seungkwan from getting hurt by the society, and it’s really adorable—Doyoon can’t lie. He definitely won’t let his husband ruin the good moment just because he has trust issue on everyone who tries to get close to Seungkwan.

“Okay, I’ll help you. Now finish whatever you need to do and go to sleep, okay? I and Seungcheol have to leave early tomorrow morning because we’ve got work, and we won’t see you until dinner. I’ll ask Coach Kang or Soonyoung to accompany you during the day, so you won’t feel so lonely. We’ll sleep over again at night, though.” Doyoon gets up from Seungkwan’s bed and leans down kissing his forehead. “I love you, Seungkwannie.”

_‘I love you too, Doyoon hyung.’_

 

Seungkwan finishes the CD later that night, smiling contentedly and plops on his bed after flicking his desk lamp off. The CD for his new program sits on his desk with its proudly written title: _Paper Heart_.

 

*****

 

Seungcheol doesn’t look happy when Coach Kang hands him over some documents about Seungkwan’s progress for the past month, and it’s time for him and the coach to discuss new strategy for Seungkwan before he starts the mission of the year: collecting maximum points so it would be enough for him to qualify for Grand Prix Final at the end of the year.

“You don’t look happy with this, even though Seungkwan’s progression is pretty good. No, he sets his best record just recently for his short program score. And the new music he gave me was brilliant.”

“I’m happy for him, but not about his boyfriend,” Seungcheol scowls.

“They are not boyfriends,” Doyoon says, hitting Seungcheol on the head impatiently. “Seungkwan says he likes him, and the other party feels exactly the same. They haven’t stepped on to another level because of you, the nagging father of Seungkwan, and Seungkwan has been worried sick you’d confront Vernon for nothing.”

“He said that?” Seungcheol blinks. His husband rolls his eyes.

“Settle your meeting with Coach Kang quick, they need us in the OR.”

“It’s really amusing watching these young doctors balance their professional work and household problems,” Coach Kang laughs. “I must’ve said this often but I’m really thankful you take care of Seungkwan after that accident. You two are the reason Seungkwan is who we see him today.”

“That accident killed Seungkwan’s parents and took his voice,” Doyoon sighs. “The memory still hurts me whenever I think about it, but Seungkwan is a strong kid and I believe he will overcome his trauma someday. Also, he needs experience on living as a normal young person instead of keep staying inside his shell all the time.” Doyoon shoots a glare to his husband who pretends not to hear.

“Does he still have that phobia of dark places?” Coach Kang asks. Doyoon nods.

“He doesn’t want to undergo any kind of therapy and I’m not going to force him if he doesn’t want to. It’s just… he frequently has nightmares and it makes me worried.” Doyoon glances at his husband when Seungcheol squeezes his hand softly. “But he slowly gets better after meeting Vernon. Isn’t that a good sign?”

Seungcheol pulls his hand off Doyoon’s and groans. “I’ve had enough of this topic for the rest of my life. Honey, I’m doing serious talk with Coach Kang here, so can you leave for a bit?”

Doyoon giggles and pecks his husband’s lips before getting up from his seat. “I’ll wait in the car, then. See you later, Coach Kang!”

Coach Kang waves Doyoon goodbye, then shifts his eyes to the devastated husband sitting beside him. “Your husband is truly amazing.”

Seungcheol sighs, slowly slumping down his chair. “Yeah, I thought so too, that’s why I married him.”

 

*****

 

“Hey Seungkwan, let’s go on a date.”

Seungkwan almost drops his hot cup of coffee and he glares at Vernon; does he have to say something so bluntly when there are crowds around them right now? It’s already odd enough to see a reporter—Vernon keeps insisting he’s a _photographer_ and _not_ a reporter but he’s working with a magazine, so that’s technically the same—and a lonely figure skater hang together in a busy coffee shop but fortunately that morning is too busy for someone to point out.

_‘Don’t wanna.’_

“How cold,” Vernon sulks. “I know it’s already entering your busy months, but I really want to go on a date with you. That is the closest of being boyfriends I could do!”

Seungkwan chuckles and shakes his head. Vernon pouts again, he knows this is not going to be easy. He and Seungkwan stay in the weird state of relationship: not dating but definitely not ‘just friends’. Or at least… he thinks they are. Seungkwan had never explicitly told him about his feeling for Vernon, but he never quite denied their closeness. If anything, it only makes Vernon more confused than he already is; but he shrugs it off completely.

“So, you really don’t want to go on a date with me? You’ll regret it. I’m the hottest guy in town, you know.”

Seungkwan just gives him _that_ look and shrugs, sipping on his drink calmly. Vernon can’t help but comparing the situation with some stupid what ifs and the thought starts with: what if Seungcheol asked Seungkwan for the same thing, will Seungkwan refuse?

_Why are you asking about Seungcheol hyung? If he asked me, it would be some sort of holiday since he knew my schedule well, so of course I wouldn’t say no._

Vernon blinks at the piece of paper he receives from Seungkwan. Oh, great, he just said his thought out loud and now he has to bear the consequence. Vernon will never surpass Seungcheol in term of everything.

“I’m sitting in front of you right now and you’re still talking about Seungcheol, I’m disappointed,” Vernon puts on his best hurtful face, though it doesn’t seem to fool Seungkwan who stays cool. “Oh, isn’t now the time for you to go?”

Seungkwan glances at his watch and nods. _‘See you later, Vernon.’_

Vernon returns his wave and nods back. “Yeah, good luck for your performance.” He sees Seungkwan off until he’s disappearing into the crowd and sighs. The topic about Seungcheol always turns down his good mood and he can’t really do anything about it since he doesn’t want Seungkwan to think he despises someone _very special_ for him.

And the thing is, Seungkwan never tells Vernon directly about Seungcheol’s status—it’s not something Vernon needs to know but he wants to, for the sake of his sanity—and Vernon just keeps guessing for months. Seungcheol is, protective as usual, and even a blind person can tell how much he dislikes Vernon whenever he appears near Seungkwan before and after his performance.

The train of thought stops when a middle-aged man approaches Vernon, a camera on his hand. He smiles, rather too friendly for a stranger, and it awakens Vernon’s guard. But he smiles back and accepts when the man offers a hand at him.

“Vernon Choi?” he asks. Vernon nods warily.

“Yes, I am. And you are…?”

“I’m Oh Taeoh, a sport photographer focusing on figure skating like you. This is our first meeting but I’ve known you for a while.”

Oh Taeoh, Vernon recognizes the name. But he doesn’t have a single memory about this man in the line of work—he’s never heard the man’s name until Junhui told him at Winter Olympic and Chan mentioned him months later. And the fact that this man has known him for a while sounds pretty suspicious.

“Oh, right. I’ve heard about you,” Vernon lies. “I’m so honored to see you come all the way to see me here. Is there anything you want to discuss?”

“I don’t like beating around the bush, so I’ll just get straight to the point.” Taeoh’s gaze is so sharp it can split Vernon in two. “You’re close with the skater Boo Seungkwan, aren’t you? I often saw you together after his performance. And you were always disappearing so suddenly, almost like… you don’t want it to get exposed?”

“I’m afraid I don’t get what you’re saying,” Vernon replies. “As a reporter, you should be familiar with the fact that Boo Seungkwan is not really fond with crowds and press. He always avoids the media before and after his performance, and I’m not disappearing with him. It must be a coincidence for you to see me around him during that time.”

“Of course I’m aware of that fact, but I know you’re close with him in the whole different term than just an athlete and a reporter.”

Vernon shrugs. “I don’t like the way you assume things just as you like, but I’m not denying that I’m one of Boo Seungkwan’s fans and if anything, I’d be very happy to be close to my idol. Also, it was part of my work to get an interview done with him or his representative, and as a photographer I need his picture. Does that sound weird for you? I thought you’re a photographer as well.”

“Boo Seungkwan is gay,” Taeoh cuts him. “I got a verified testimony from someone used to be really close with Seungkwan, and Seungkwan was an easy target to get laid, but that didn’t happen because his coach was around that time.”

“Shut your fucking mouth,” Vernon holds up a finger right in front of Taeoh’s face, his politeness and honorific vanish to the thin air at the harsh words this man directing at Seungkwan. “It’s sure not your fucking business whether he’s gay or not. And he’s not an easy target of whatever you dickheads are going to do to him, because you know what? He had his coach back then and now he has _me_. _Surprise_.”

Taeoh gives Vernon a lopsided smile. “I knew it, that’s why I thought it was really suspicious. Are you sleeping with him?”

“This conversation is finished, I’ve got a work. Good bye, Mr. Oh.”

Vernon leaves the coffee shop with heavy burden on his shoulders. He feels horrible, but a part of him is now really curious of what he’s just heard. Vernon hopes it was not true, not a single fucking thing, because Vernon doesn’t want to believe Seungkwan has gone through something as awful as that. Is it what Seungcheol meant by the hardships Seungkwan experienced so Seungcheol didn’t allow him to have a friend?

Whatever it is, Vernon needs to confirm everything. And this time, he has to be extra careful.

 

*****

 

“We don’t know an Oh Taeoh but what he said was… partially true.”

Vernon frowns at Coach Kang, “Partially?” he repeats.

“Yeah, something like that really had happened in the past but not one hundred percent true–” Coach Kang pauses to glare at Vernon. “You aren’t going to make money off this horrible thing, are you?”

“No, I’m not. I want to ask you about this personally because – well, because Seungkwan is my friend and he’s now someone important for me.”

“Friend, important, sure,” Coach Kang holds back his giggle. “So, this happened when Seungkwan was on the peak of his performance during the early days of him in senior league. A lot of people were trying to befriend him for obvious purpose: fame and such. Seungkwan was mostly uncomfortable, but he had this one person he was really close with. But the person turned out to be using Seungkwan as a bet and he would get a huge amount of money if he could sleep with Seungkwan, but fortunately I was around and I could save Seungkwan from those dirty bastards.”

“Did that person know about Seungkwan’s condition?”

“No, he almost did, though. But he knew about Seungkwan’s phobia of dark places and Seungkwan couldn’t resist when the bastard started harassing him because the room was completely dark.”

Vernon nods thoughtfully, he starts to get a grip of Seungkwan’s secrets one by one.

“Do you think Seungkwan will feel uncomfortable if I talk to him about this?”

Coach Kang hums, “I don’t know, we’ve never talked about it anymore since it could easily trigger Seungcheol’s anger, but I don’t know about Seungkwan. Maybe if you explain to him clearly your intention, he’d consider telling you. I mean, talking about the past isn’t something everyone can do, let alone for a hurtful memory.”

“I see,” Vernon thinks he may just already cross the line. “Does Seungkwan have anything to do after his performance today?”

“No,” Coach Kang answers with a wide grin plastered on his face. “He needs to rest properly to prepare his free program tomorrow, so bring him back before 11. Do you hear that?”

“Certainly,” Vernon grins. “Thank you, Coach Kang. And I’ll appreciate if you keep it as a secret from that Seungcheol guy.”

“Of course, Seungcheol would have your head hanging on his bedroom if he knew. I’m doing this because you’re a good friend of Seungkwan and he’s been doing great lately at his routines, so probably a short walk really does refresh his mind. Also it’s been a while since Seungkwan has a friend he can wholeheartedly trust, so I think it’s a good thing.”

Vernon feels warmth spreading on his face. “Uh, okay. And… thank you.”

Coach Kang tilts his head. “What are you thanking me for?”

“For saving Seungkwan last time…” Vernon hesitates for a moment before he continues, “I’d be glad if you share the responsibility with me now that I’ve heard the whole story.”

Coach Kang laughs and hits Vernon’s shoulder playfully. “You’re asking that, like, _now_? You’re already doing your duty. Just keep staying at Seungkwan’s side, okay? My pupil can be super stubborn at times, but he’s still a softie at heart.”

Vernon nods, feeling a bit lighter on his shoulders.

“I understand.”

 

*****

 

Seungkwan looks surprised when Vernon greets him in the backstage after his performance where he placed second, but he doesn’t say anything. He does return the smile Vernon can’t help but give him rather sheepishly, and tilts his head to a direction that turns out to be his dressing room.

“Is it okay if I follow you inside?” Vernon looks around and makes sure there’s nobody suspicious on his visual length. “I mean, I’m sure looking like the bad guy here if someone sees us. I’m not even related to you as a skater nor personally.”

Seungkwan rolls his eyes and pushes Vernon before he can say anything else. Vernon stumbles at his own feet and almost knocks his head on the table.

“Wow, you don’t have to be this aggressive, it’s dangerous.”

Seungkwan kicks Vernon’s shin playfully. _‘I need help to pack my stuffs before I leave, and Coach Kang is usually here to help me. Now you take his place.’_

“You knew I’d be here instead of your coach?”

_‘No, but Coach Kang left after Kiss and Cry so I suggested he had someone else taking me home today. And if it’s not Seungcheol hyung, that person must be you. I’m still surprised I had my guess right, though.’_

“You knew it wasn’t your beloved hyung beforehand?”

Seungkwan rolls his eyes again; Vernon can be so talkative sometimes. _‘Seungcheol hyung is a surgeon and he has surgery scheduled until late today so he’ll join us tomorrow. If you’re done with the questions, come help me with the bag.’_

It’s a surprise to know someone that scary can become a surgeon, Vernon says to himself. “Aren’t you sorry for the patients? They have such an appalling doctor open up their stomachs.”

Seungkwan glares at Vernon. _‘What are you saying? He’s a good doctor, and he’s not appalling at all.’_

Of course he won’t look that way for you is what Vernon almost says, but he holds back. “I’m done here,” he announces. “Are you ready? Oh, have you eaten yet? We can drop by a place to eat before I walk you home.”

Seungkwan shakes his head. _‘But I can accompany you if you’re hungry.’_

“Hmm, sounds romantic,” Vernon snickers when Seungkwan pinches his arm, hard. “Then, we’ll just go and buy ice cream. I don’t take a no, it’s my treat.”

_‘Aren’t you acting too much for someone who only treats me an ice cream?’_

“And you’re acting too much for someone who eats ice cream for free,” Vernon retorts. “I’m sorry I didn’t know you were this arrogant. Should I get you gelato instead? Do you prefer it with white wine or the red one?”

Seungkwan pinches Vernon again, now on his cheek. _‘I hate you. Let’s go.’_

Vernon tails Seungkwan, grinning like an idiot to himself.

 

 

On the way home, Seungkwan tells Vernon about things Vernon has always wanted to know.

 _‘I lost my parents on an accident when I was too young to even remember them,’_ he starts. _‘That accident also took my voice away and I wouldn’t be able to speak again my entire life.’_

“And how did you communicate with people back then?”

_‘I’ve always used paper and pen, even though sometimes I’m sick of writing.’_

“Did the phobia… come after the accident?”

Seungkwan nods sullenly. _‘The only memory I had about the accident was a completely dark and suffocating place. I can’t stand any dark place afterward.’_

“That reminds me, Coach Kang told me about something happened in the past with somebody you used to know,” Vernon smiles when Seungkwan raises a brow, noticing his song reference. “A weird reporter came to me this morning and told me bullshit about you, but it turned to be _slightly_ true after I confirmed it with Coach Kang.”

_‘Seungcheol hyung worked so hard to erase the memory from public, how did they find out about it?’_

“He said he was meeting with someone who gave him verified information, so probably it was one of the bad guys in the past? I didn’t ask him further because he was practically throwing shit in front of my face, and I snapped at him before he could talk more. It was such a nauseating sight.”

Seungkwan sighs. _‘I don’t know, I don’t want to talk about it.’_

“Right, okay, sorry,” Vernon scratches the back of his neck. “I’m also sorry because I asked Coach Kang before I told you first. It’s just—you know, I’m _curious_. I don’t know his motive for suddenly coming to me and blatantly tell me everything I don’t need to know, but the way he talked was really disturbing. I was hoping he lied, though.”

 _‘Everybody has a dark side,’_ Seungkwan gestures and now it’s Vernon’s turn to smile at his song reference. _‘Well, I must say it’s a dark history instead of side.’_

“True,” Vernon agrees. “And you don’t have to worry. I’ll make sure he’ll never show his face in front of you, or hurt you, or talk shit about you. I’ll make sure he has no room to bring back your past at whatever occasion he’s at, because I’d probably have punched him in the face.”

Seungkwan smiles, _‘Thanks,’_ he gestures.

 

 

They stop ahead of a dark road with minimum lighting due to the lack of street lamps. Vernon can see Seungkwan fidgets uncomfortably beside him, and the photographer doesn’t think twice before he grabs Seungkwan’s hand and pulls him close.

“Don’t worry, the tall buildings around give enough light to at least, help us not to trip on our own feet. You can do this much, can’t you?”

Seungkwan nods with face buried against Vernon’s shoulder. His hands are trembling and he’s gasping near Vernon’s neck (holy shit it was really distracting) and Vernon knows Seungkwan is anxious because he can’t use sign language in a place so dark, with him afraid of darkness in the first place. So Vernon grips his hand tighter, saying. “If you want to tell me something, write the word on my back. With that, you’ll be convinced that I’m always near.”

Seungkwan stops walking. Vernon feels something tickles his back when he realizes it’s Seungkwan writing: _Does this work?_

“Of course it works. Now let’s go, it’s getting chilly out here. And I promised your coach to take you home before late.”

Vernon was just going to walk when something tickles his back for the second time. This time the word says: _I like you_.

Vernon looks back, startled, and he gets double shock when Seungkwan slightly cranes his neck to press a kiss on his cheek. The photographer stands there dumbfounded until Seungkwan tugs on his sleeve, forcing him to walk with his mind scattered and left on the dark road.

Vernon will take Coach Kang to drink luxurious champagne as his proper thank you after this.

 

 

“I like you too,” Vernon says right after they arrive at the place where Seungkwan stays. He isn’t sure how does _like_ work between two of them with Seungkwan still practically hangs on Seungcheol for dear life and Vernon doesn’t seem to win over the guy with _only_ new innovation of writing in the dark, but does that matter? No, Vernon’s brain says. Definitely no, Vernon’s heart says.

“…and I wish you success for tomorrow. See you again at China?”

Seungkwan nods, his face pink to the tip of his ears. Vernon ruffles Seungkwan’s hair fondly once before he turns back and leaves; trying to hold back the urge to jump and scream his lungs out.

Everything seems to be on its rightful place, Vernon thinks happily. Maybe falling in love is really this easy.

 

 

(Or, so he thought.)

 

*****

 

Vernon’s off duty from reporting abroad for three months after his last trip and he spends the day being lazy at the office, hanging out with his friends or watching Seungkwan’s video performance when he’s not loaded with work. He curses the inconvenience of Seungkwan doesn’t have a phone and there’s no way Vernon could contact him personally; he sure doesn’t want to go through hell by doing it via Seungcheol or Coach Kang.

He starts to notice something weird when he accidentally hears Wonwoo from the editing team talking on the phone with someone—he assumes it’s one of the reporters sent to Canada to report the current event—about Seungkwan’s bad reputation when he first got into senior league, that he was using dirty connection to rank up and he was afraid someone’s going to find out about it and that’s why he stayed silent all the time. Vernon almost throw his paper cup at Wonwoo hearing that—fortunately that didn’t happen, but he startled Wonwoo by punching the door hard enough for the other guy to quickly hang up the phone.

“Vernon, are you insane?!” Wonwoo storms out the room angrily, “Did you overhear my conversation just now?”

“You were talking too loud,” Vernon answers. “What’s with that news, anyway? Where the hell did it come from?”

“Lately there’s been this news going on about Seungkwan,” Wonwoo says. He hands out a piece of paper to Vernon, showing a provocative headline about Seungkwan, which is obviously fake but it was nicely put and alluring. The person behind this is a professional, and a name pops up in Vernon’s head.

“I didn’t know who wrote this thing, they most likely use a pen name. The news seemed to be faked but they use deep sources and it will be hard for us to look for a hole even though you know well nothing they wrote here is true.”

Vernon’s anger eases a bit. “You know I was going to disprove this news?”

Wonwoo looks smug as he nods. “Of course I do. If it wasn’t for you, the reporter crew who has fallen deeply in love with national’s rising star figure skater, we wouldn’t be able to get great headlines six months in a row and stayed as best-seller sport magazine for the first quarter of the year. And from all the news you brought us, we all know Seungkwan is a good person. That’s why this news shocked me as well.”

“Wait, how did you know about—?”

“What, the lovey-dovey part? Chan told us.”

Vernon takes a mental note to kill his best friend later. “Can we do something to counterattack? I’ll find a way to get in touch with Seungkwan’s coach and manager.”

“Okay. Buckle your seatbelt, this is not going to be a nice ride but we can handle this. I’ll contact the other crew for support and we’ll put it in headline tomorrow morning.” Wonwoo pats Vernon’s shoulder. “Don’t worry, your lover is not gonna be harmed.”

“He is not…” Vernon’s face feels like burning before he could even finish. “But thanks, Wonwoo hyung. It means a lot for me.”

“Aw, don’t mention it. You’re like a little brother to me, isn’t it my duty to defend my brother’s lover?” Wonwoo snickers when Vernon’s face gets even redder. “Go back to your post, soldier. We’re going to be really busy today.”

 

 

With Soonyoung’s help, Vernon could get in touch with Coach Kang and even did a teleconference with Soonyoung, who’s currently in Los Angeles, and Coach Kang in Canada to valid the source.

“Vernon, Seungkwan says thanks,” Coach Kang says. “He couldn’t be here because he was doing something else. Oh, I could actually connect people by reading sign language. This is nice, I feel more useful as a human being.”

“I don’t understand sign language and I don’t want to feel useless as a human being according to your saying,” Soonyoung grumbles. “Anyway, thanks for telling us, Vernon. We’re busy here and the flow of the news seems to be slower than it is in Korea, so I’m glad you informed us immediately. Imagine if Seungcheol found it ahead of us.”

“It’s equal to nightmare,” Coach Kang agrees.

“Do you have any idea who had probably done it? I don’ think Seungkwan has someone who hates him enough to spread rumor, but I could be wrong,” says Soonyoung. “This kind of thing, though common, is really disturbing. I don’t want it to disturb Seungkwan’s momentum.”

Vernon hesitates for a moment for shaking his head as an answer. “…No, I don’t.”

“Are you sure? I thought you two were close. Seungkwan might have told you something if someone actually berated him.”

“That’s quite… harsh, Soonyoung,” Coach Kang laughs bitterly. “I know Seungkwan second best to Seungcheol and I couldn’t name anyone who ever had a problem with Seungkwan so bad they had to do this far. But well, people can change. We won’t know anything anyway, the source of the news is way too vague.”

“Well, then, I wish Seungkwan good luck for his performance. I have to go now, is it okay if I disconnect the line?”

“That’s okay, Soonyoung hyung. We’re done here, anyway. I’m sorry I disturbed both of you at such a time.”

Soonyoung smiles and says goodbye afterward, leaving Coach Kang and Vernon on the line.

“You’re sharp to read the situation,” says the coach.

“I just assumed Soonyoung hyung didn’t know about the incident, judging from his questions.”

“Hmm, I guess it’s just reporter instinct, huh?” Coach Kang laughs. “In fact, Soonyoung really doesn’t know and I’m not planning to tell him either, I don’t want to drag more people into this situation. Are you sure it’s going to be okay over there?”

“We’re trying.”

“I gave you my number, so contact me if anything happens, okay?”

Vernon nods. “Okay, thank you very much and I’m sorry I’m causing a scene in the middle of competition.”

“No, we’re the ones who should thank you. I’m going, then. Good job, Reporter Choi.”

“You too, Coach Kang.”

Vernon leans to the back of his chair with a deep, long sigh after they finished the teleconference. He has handed everything Wonwoo needs for the news and his job is over, now he can only pray everything will work out well.

 

*****

 

The provocative headline was only the beginning of the real disaster.

All of sudden, both national and international press take an obvious interest on Seungkwan’s private life. Now it’s getting harder for Seungkwan to get away and hide after his performance, and people aren’t satisfied with just Seungcheol or Coach Kang as his spokesperson. The sight of Seungkwan being cornered by cameras’ blitz and people holding recorder devices are getting frequent. The worst of it all happened during Skate America, where someone dragged Seungkwan with force they damaged his costume and hurt him.

Vernon is almost one hundred sure this is Oh Taeoh’s doing, but he doesn’t have any evidence. And to bring Oh Taeoh’s name without raising suspicions is also hard since Vernon hasn’t been able to find out this man’s real identity and the company he works for. Coach Kang believes he works independently, and put on false info about himself on the internet to mislead them. The thing is, Vernon _can’t_ even find the said false info, proving that Oh Taeoh is someone who knows what is he doing.

 

_“Too bad you aren’t here right now, Vernon.”_

“Did something happen to Seungkwan, Coach?”

 _“No, at least not explicitly so,”_ Coach Kang sighs. _“It’s just, the recent news and things happening really did affect his mental state and he was getting the lowest score on the record of the whole season on his last event. And that shook him pretty bad, even though I’d expected that. Now we’re trying to get his ass up because the next event is so close.”_

“I see…” Vernon takes a deep breath. “Things had been hard on here as well. Our office blew up with news of Seungkwan and it’s really impossible to stop the press now. Please make sure Seungkwan is safe.”

_“I will. We’ll head to China in four days, by the way.”_

“I’m reporting for Cup of China, so see you there?”

Coach Kang chuckles. _“Yeah, see you there. I know it’s an indirect way to say see you at Seungkwan as well, so I’ll tell him just that.”_

 

*****

 

Cup of China in November is where everything ends and begins.

The media is even bolder and harsher now, attacking Seungkwan with baseless rumors that had been spreading like crazy since his performance in Skate America. More people coming to media, to Seungkwan, claiming as “influential figures” that had helped Seungkwan reached the top and became who he is now. They demand the same spotlight media had been giving Seungkwan all this time, saying if it weren’t for them Seungkwan wouldn’t be able to achieve anything.

That fucking pisses Vernon off.

Seungkwan refuses to see him at the first two days of the event, later Vernon found out Seungkwan was crying right after he finished his performance and he didn’t want Vernon to see him like that. Seungkwan was the last person to pass to final – fortunately – and at the same time one of public’s most anticipated skater had to step down due to an injury. Of course, people wouldn’t let the fact go easily.

 

 

On the night of short program final, Seungkwan fell. He lost his balance when he did a quadruple jump and landed painfully on the rink with his hip first in contact with the hard surface. He couldn’t get up afterward, and paramedics rushed to get him out of the rink.

It’s the most chaotic event in Vernon’s history as a photographer.

Seungcheol and Coach Kang are nowhere to be seen, so probably they’ve gone to the hospital. Now, Vernon is trapped with curious audiences and even more curious reporters who are brainstorming together to find out how to find Seungkwan and reveal his secrets. Speculations float in the thick air, and Vernon is just so, _so_ sick of it. He gets up from his seat and goes to the toilet, not aware of someone following him silently.

That person is the last person Vernon wants to see on earth.

“So, did the national’s heartthrob finally get knocked down by the blows?”

Vernon turns around and clenches his fist. “What do you want, Reporter Oh?”

“Not much,” Oh Taeoh says mockingly. “Boo Seungkwan got too much for being a person who never says anything and eventually hurt other people without even realize anything. Don’t you think so?”

“No,” answers Vernon firmly. “Why would you care, anyway? Got hurt because Seungkwan had never noticed you? That’s why you needed to go so far and put on weird rumors online to bring Seungkwan down?”

“What, I did put on reliable source for the news I published,” the reporter shoots back. “And what I wrote was true, anyway. Seems that Boo Seungkwan’s spirit is down and he couldn’t win because he hasn’t been able to meet with someone he usually sleeps with?”

Vernon’s jaw tightens with anger. “Say that again.”

Oh Taeoh shrugs. “I didn’t see you when Boo Seungkwan got the worst record this season and his performance was, let’s be honest about this, unimpressive for someone _that_ popular. Your closeness with Boo Seungkwan isn’t something new so it’s only normal for us to assume that way, right? Boo Seungkwan’s performance was never stable enough to be on the straight line without having obvious ups and downs as if he depends on something to perform well.”

“Then why don’t you attack me with the baseless rumors instead?!”

Reporter Oh snorts, “No, it would lessen the fun,” he says. “Don’t get so worked up about this, Reporter Choi. Only this way we can finally see the skater speak for himself for the first time, because his coach and manager can’t do anything about it. Public won’t believe unless it’s Seungkwan himself states the truth, and the anticipation is high. We’ll see how well he handles the pressure for being a rude public figure for years.”

The sentences cut the last string of patience Vernon had. He lunges forward and punches Reporter Oh’s face with all his strength.

“HE’S FUCKING MUTE, YOU ASSHOLE!” one punch, followed with another one. “He can’t even fucking speak! How do you think is he going to deal with such a big matter just because he’s never spoken one word to public?! Is that really that matter for you assholes? Is being mute his fault? He just wants to skate, for fuck’s sake! Stop bothering his life like you know everything about him!”

Vernon stops throwing punches on Reporter Oh’s face when he feels his energy drained from his body—he sits there holding his trembling, stained with blood hand. Reporter Oh is quick to recover and leave the rest room with a string of curse words and he swears he will make Vernon pay for this.

He doesn’t know what he will do now.

 

*****

 

Seungcheol is _furious_.

“What the fuck are these?!” He throws away the newspaper Coach Kang brought him and kicks a wooden chair nearby, creating a startling noise. Even Coach Kang takes two steps back to avoid being splattered by this man’s rage.

“It must be _that_ person. He’s the only outsider who knows about Seungkwan’s condition! Of course he’d take advantage and make money off his disability!”

“Seungcheol, we don’t know anything yet.”

“What else are we supposed to confirm?! The source is written here and they said it was Reporter Vernon Choi!” Seungcheol yells, “You don’t fucking know how hard I tried to cover everything up so Seungkwan could compete on international level without minding his disability! You don’t know how I kneeled in front of Soonyoung so he would choreograph for Seungkwan before he entered senior league! You don’t fucking know how Seungkwan refused to talk to me for days because I asked him to be someone else just to protect the image I build for him!”

Seungcheol has a point. He worked the hardest among Seungkwan’s team to make sure Seungkwan got everything he needed. Even as a busy surgeon, he took his free time to watch Seungkwan’s performance, forcing him to double up his own work when he got back because Seungcheol kept going overseas to follow Seungkwan. Seungcheol was the most influential person for Seungkwan’s career, and suddenly all his hard work are torn into pieces.

It’s just like a bomb dropped on top of their heads when Coach Kang woke up with a breaking news about _Boo Seungkwan Had Deceived Public: National’s Figure Skater Is Actually a Disable Person_ in three different newspapers only two days after they landed in Korea and Seungkwan was admitted to the hospital. And when he bought them to Seungcheol, Seungcheol was immediately exploded. He doesn’t even care he’s in a hospital right now, and Seungkwan is lying right beside him.

“Seungcheol, we haven’t heard anything from Vernon’s side.”

“Are you fucking blind or what?” Seungcheol asks with threatening voice. “This is obviously that fucking reporter’s fault and I’m not going to let him go away breathing freely. He doesn’t deserve a life after what he’s done to my son!”

Coach Kang sighs. Seungcheol is most sensitive when it comes to Seungkwan, and the only one who can control him at this kind of situation is Doyoon, but sadly he’s away for three weeks and it’s only been a week. That means Seungcheol’s rage is irrepressible. And that means Vernon will die if he comes here.

And it is _exactly_ what he does.

Seungcheol’s head seems to boil and can come off any time when Soonyoung knocks on the door and tells him Vernon is here to see Seungkwan. He quickly storms out of the room after entrusting Seungkwan to both Coach Kang and Soonyoung.

“Do you think I made the right choice by letting Seungcheol meet Vernon now?” Soonyoung asks nervously. “He doesn’t seem to be in a good state to meet anyone right now, but Vernon is also stubborn as hell.”

“They would meet sooner or later,” Coach Kang says. “Do you want to see him, Seungkwan?”

Seungkwan shakes his head and turns away. Every mention of Vernon’s name hurts, but he wonders if hearing Seungcheol’s going to go all out on him is what hurts him even more.

(Seungkwan doesn’t want to find out.)

 

 

Seungcheol greets Vernon with a punch on his jaw.

“I told you to stay away if you’re only going to hurt Seungkwan, didn’t I?” Seungcheol asks — his voice deep and dangerous. “That’s because I’ve fucking got a feeling Seungkwan is so much better without his so called friends. Friends, you say? Don’t make me laugh. Seungkwan got hurt often enough when he tried to make friends, and I was fucking right about you. I shouldn’t have let Seungkwan met you, or gotten closer to you, or even let him met your eyes. Are you happy now, Mr. Reporter?”

“I didn’t say that on purpose,” Vernon tells him. He can taste blood on his tongue, and it tastes horrible. Just like the situation before him. “He made fun of Seungkwan’s lost in China and kept insulting Seungkwan and I couldn’t stand it—“

“Let me tell you one thing. You are not a hero for Seungkwan.” Seungcheol looks at Vernon straight on his eyes. “Whatever your reason is, I don’t fucking care. That wouldn’t change the outcome, that wouldn’t make public forget about the headlines, and now Seungkwan’s entire career is at stake because _disable person can’t compete in normal league_. Do you know how hard Seungkwan had worked to get the position he’s in? Do you know how hard people around Seungkwan worked to support him? No, because you’re _nobody_ for him. But you came like you knew everything just because you could speak to Seungkwan, and now you hurt him. Give me a reason not to fucking slit your throat right now.”

Vernon doesn’t answer. The mental image of Seungkwan: his smile, his various facial expressions, his passion for skating plays on Vernon’s head over and over again. Seungkwan has every reason to hate Vernon right now, and Seungcheol’s words stab him right on places that hurt the most.

“Do you know how much I loved and treasured Seungkwan?” Seungcheol asks again, his voice is lower now, trembling. It just sounds like he’s tired, desperate, _sad_. “Do you know how happy I was when I first discovered Seungkwan’s love for figure skating, the first time he looked so happy after the accident maimed him at such young age? Do you know how important figure skating is for Seungkwan, for me?”

Vernon feels like the sky above him is crumbling when Seungcheol starts sobbing. It hits Vernon just how important Seungkwan is for Seungcheol and vice versa, and no matter how hard he tries, he won’t replace Seungcheol’s position in Seungkwan’s heart. He won’t be at higher place, not even equal. He’s never going to win over this man.

“I’m sorry…”

It’s the only thing he manages to say with heart broken into million pieces.

 

 

Vernon stands in front of Seungkwan’s door, doesn’t have any courage to step in. Inside, he can see Seungkwan cries on Seungcheol’s chest, hugging the man tight like his life depends on him. Or maybe, it’s literal. Seungcheol is an important person for Seungkwan and Vernon is _weird_ to wish he could be the one substituting Seungcheol.

He never stands a chance from the start, but he insists.

The ride back home is heavier than ever for Vernon.

 

 

(“Can I ask you something, Seungcheol-ssi?”

“What do you want?”

“What are you for Seungkwan?”

Seungcheol doesn’t answer immediately. “I’m someone who loves him,” he says. “Does that answer your question?”

“Love him… how?”

Seungcheol walks away without answering the question.)

 

*****

 

It’s been two weeks since the turmoil happened, and Vernon thinks he really needs someone to talk to. Chan is excluded from his list immediately since he’s staying at the other side of the continent for work and Vernon doesn’t want to think about time zone; his mind is already occupied by how _horrible_ everything here turns out.

The only choice lands on Doyoon’s name; he seems to be the neutral type and Vernon believes he would stop him from thinking irrationally—Vernon knows it’s the work of psychiatric and Doyoon is a surgeon, but that’s not the real point. Vernon grabs his phone to call Doyoon but the line is busy.

It starts to irritate him when the line is _still_ busy at the tenth attempt.

Just right before Vernon throws his phone at the wall out of frustration, his phone rings loudly with an incoming call from Doyoon.

“Gosh, finally. Why is it so hard to get you to answer the damn phone?” Vernon asks the moment he’s connected with the person on the other line.

_“Sorry, my husband is in a bad mood these days and he keeps throwing a fit over the phone at me. What is it?”_

“That’s marriage life for you,” Vernon snorts. “Are you busy now? I need someone to talk with and all my other friends are not currently available. If you can’t leave the hospital, I could just drop by there and we can get something to drink.”

_“What a great timing, I’m also looking for someone to talk about the chaos happened two weeks ago. We can meet at the café near the hospital since I’m taking a break now. How does it sound?”_

“Good. I’ll see you in an hour?”

_“Perfect. See you there, Vernon.”_

“Okay. Bye, Doyoon.”

Vernon’s got the feeling this meeting isn’t going to go as his will, but he goes anyway.

 

 

Doyoon doesn’t look happy when he meets Vernon at the promised place but he still greets Vernon warmly.

“Did you wait long?” Doyoon asks. Vernon shakes his head.

“Nah, I just arrived. Take a seat, I’ve ordered your green tea.”

Doyoon pulls a chair across Vernon, huffing as he sits down. “Everyone is still talking about Seungkwan. In television, radio, internet. I really hate how fast and modern our technology had become if that means someone continuously gets hurt by all the hurtful and brainless comments about them _all over every platform_. It’s been two weeks already, goddammit!”

“Oh, so you want to talk to me about this?” Coincidentally, I’m about to tell you something along the topic, Vernon adds to himself. He’s not sure Doyoon is ready to hear him out when he is still practically fuming so Vernon will wait until he calms down.

“Yeah, because I’m tired and people around me won’t shut up even for a second. The news is travelling so fast and I’m trying super hard to redeem it, but I’m still super pissed off about the sentiments being thrown at Seungkwan. Honestly, what is wrong with someone trying to achieve his childhood dream apart from the fact that he can’t speak? People nowadays are insane.”

“Yeah, it’s true,” Vernon takes a deep breath, “the society nowadays is so judgmental.”

“I’m really going to burn the person who causes this trouble to ash,” Doyoon’s anger still visibly boiling under his skin, but he slows down after sipping on his tea. “This is so unfair for Seungkwan, even though I kind of understand why the public was mad for being deceived.”

“Wait, Doyoon. Are you his private doctor or something?”

Doyoon cackles, “No, I’m not! Why would Seungkwan need a surgeon as his private doctor?”

Vernon looks at him in perplexed expression. “Then why do you care so much?”

“He’s our son,” Doyoon laughs, “technically, to be exact. He’s been living under my husband’s protective wings for years now, and my husband can’t stop babying him even though Seungkwan hates it so much. Seungcheol only wants Seungkwan to be happy, that’s it.”

Vernon is so surprised with the piece of information he feels his eyeball are going to jump out anytime. “Seungcheol, you say? _That_ Seungcheol guy? Your husband is that Seungcheol who always be around Seungkwan and put on that pissed off face when someone is trying to get close to Seungkwan?!” he doesn’t even realize he raises his voice two octaves higher.

Doyoon seems to be taken aback with Vernon’s shocking screech, but he nods anyway, smiling. “Yes, it’s him. Oh, you guys have met each other, haven’t you?”

“Yeah, we have for several times now. I saw him a lot during Seungkwan’s tournaments but we first officially met on Soonyoung’s studio when we both came to pick up Seungkwan after practice,” Vernon’s finger movement dwindles on the table cloth. “Seungcheol was super cold from the second he met my eyes and even told me to stay away from Seungkwan if I was there only to hurt him. I thought they were lovers.”

Doyoon frowns, “Excuse me?”

“I thought they were lovers from the way he protected Seungkwan and the way Seungkwan’s eyes practically _glowing_ whenever he was around. I’m sorry, okay? I didn’t know he was married, to you, of all people.”

A soft laugh spilled off of Doyoon’s mouth, probably at Vernon’s maximum foolishness level, and Vernon can’t even blame him for that.

“Well, Seungcheol and I never said anything explicit about our marriage because we thought it wasn’t anything big,” Doyoon wipes a single tear from the corner of his eyes, undoubtedly for laughing too much. “And Seungkwan loves Seungcheol as his precious family member, just like how he is to us. He’s mostly annoyed at us though, thinking we’re silly old couple who act overly protective at him when he just wants to be free.”

Vernon scratches his neck. “I’ve made a huge mistake.”

“What do you mean?” Doyoon asks, concerns thick on his voice. “Did you do something to Seungkwan?”

“No, I didn’t. I mean, yeah—I stopped contacting him for days, after I thought Seungcheol was the one he loved and I- I had no chance. After Seungcheol snapped at me for the most logical reason but I didn’t realize that, when the news about Seungkwan broke. This is so stupid, I’m so stupid. Seungkwan must hate me now.”

“Are you talking about the hospital incident?” Doyoon asks gently, stretching out a hand to touch Vernon’s hand softly when Vernon nods. “Seungcheol was deeply concerned, Vernon. Ice skating was everything Seungkwan had ever had and when the media found out he’s unable to speak, it hurt Seungcheol as well as his guardian, someone who kept this secret longer than anyone in order to help Seungkwan to get his professional career.”

“I should’ve known…”

“I’m sorry Seungcheol snapped at you,” Doyoon says. “I told him that was inevitable. For the media to finally know what’s happening behind Seungkwan’s strange off-rink behavior, I mean. But for my husband, the most important thing is for Seungkwan to keep pursuing his dream, so being mute can’t be an obstacle that might stop him. That’s why he was persistent in keeping everything secret, until that day.”

“Doyoon, I’m really sorry,” Vernon says, almost pleads, and he feels a guilty pang on his chest when Doyoon just gives him a small smile in return. This is too late, now everyone knows Seungkwan is mute and while that has nothing to do with his skating, people will still talk shit about him behind his back, will discriminate him like how society treats people with disability. And Vernon feels sick because he is part of the cause those horrible things might happen to Seungkwan.

He should’ve been there when Seungkwan was in his lowest point of his life, he should’ve been the shoulder for Seungkwan to lean because he’s never had people’s ear to hear him out. He should’ve been there, not running away with his selfish thought only to know that the person he’s most jealous of is actually Seungkwan’s family member.

Vernon has never felt so disgusted of himself so much on his entire life.

“Where is Seungkwan right now?”

“He’s still in the hospital, but he’s gonna discharge soon. Seungcheol doesn’t let him back to his flat, not with reporters _literally_ camp outside his apartment building waiting for his return. This is really stressful, even Seungcheol told me not to come to clean Seungkwan’s room yet because I’d just punch those bastards in the face for disturbing my son.”

Vernon takes a deep breath, “Do you think Seungkwan still wants to see me after what I’ve done to him?”

Doyoon hums, deep in thought. “I don’t know, but if I were in Seungkwan’s position, I’d be so pissed off right now,” he answers diplomatically. “But Seungkwan may think differently than me, Vernon. You brought Seungkwan to life after he met you. He changed into a better person because he felt alive when he was with you. He was… so in love with you, the last time I checked. I’m not saying he’s stopped loving you now, but that’s not for me to decide.”

Vernon looks down, the burden on his shoulder feels heavier with every breath taken.

“What should I do now, Doyoon?”

Doyoon stares at Vernon. If it wasn’t for the situation before him, the whole circumstance seems comical—Doyoon’s glare is just like a mother’s when she’s not approving her son’s demeanors.

“Come. Apologize. Do something you know Seungkwan would love. Prove him you’re sorry. There are so much easy things to do to make up for mistakes, what makes it hard is your ego when you’re doing it.”

Vernon stays still for a while. He nods then, saying thanks to Doyoon.

“Once again, I’m really, really sorry. Tell your husband I’m sorry too.”

Doyoon nods, smiling. “I’ll pass him your message. I have to go, my husband is waiting.”

“Is Seungcheol going to do surgery this afternoon?”

Doyoon smiles, “How did you know?” he asks. “Yeah, and he needs me to assist him. Sorry, Vernon, I’ll have to leave first.”

“Take your time,” Vernon answers dismissively. “Your husband… he’s an admirable person. And he’s amazing, so I kind of understand why Seungkwan looks up to him so much. But don’t tell him this just yet, I know he’s still holding a grudge against me after what I did to Seungkwan.”

Doyoon laughs. “We can fix that,” he pats Vernon’s back gently. “Good luck, Vernon. I’m going first!”

 

 

Vernon stays in the café longer than he should after Doyoon left, thinking about Seungkwan, about how the boy made him head over heels for weeks without even knowing what to do with his own feeling. About how his skate changed Vernon’s perspective of life, and how Seungkwan had changed _him_ into a better person. He didn’t know what was on his mind when he told Reporter Taeoh about Seungkwan’s condition, he just remembered he felt so upset that reporter made fun of Seungkwan after his lost and even talked shit about him when he didn’t know a damn thing, but he just made things worse. And now, he doesn’t know who has more bullshit between him and that reporter.

Vernon grabs his coat and gets up. Sitting there like an idiot won’t solve his problem, he says to himself. Just like what Doyoon said, there are so much easy things to do to apologize. And he knows what he needs to do now.

 

*****

 

Seungcheol slides Seungkwan’s door open to see the boy is sitting on his bed and busy doing something with his hands. Seungcheol smiles, he slides the door closed and put the paper bag he’s holding on the table.

Seungkwan raises his head, smiling to Seungcheol. ‘ _Hi, Dad_ ,’ he gestures.

“How sweet of you addressing me as your father, now after it caused a whole misunderstanding with that stupid jerk.” Seungcheol laughs when Seungkwan pursed his lips, annoyed.

“What are you doing, Seungkwan?” Seungcheol pulls a chair to sit on the side of Seungkwan’s bed. “Oh, you’re making origami?”

Seungkwan nods enthusiastically. ‘ _Someone taught me how to make paper hearts_ , he gently gestures. _And it’s really fun. I’m mostly bored here.’_

“Oh well, this is cute.” Seungcheol picks one of three hearts Seungkwan has finished, playing with it on his hand. “Can you make me one, slightly bigger than this? I want to give this to Doyoon.”

Seungkwan laughs soundlessly. Seungcheol ruffles his hair, laughing too.

 _‘That someone who taught me origami once said that this is the way people like me conveys our feelings for other people_ ,’ Seungkwan explains. Seungcheol looks interested as he shifts to listen closely. ‘ _I can’t use words to express my emotions and I talk using my hands. Expressing my feelings will also be done with my fingers instead of my mouth, like this.’_

“Aah,” Seungcheol nods, “so you’re expressing your love with this?”

Seungkwan nods. ‘ _Various emotions can be expressed using origami. It’s just as useful as letters, when I have no mood to write.’_

“It’s creative and you’re good at this,” Seungcheol smiles. “Then, what’s the origami for expressing ‘I hate you’?”

Seungkwan pulls a piece of paper, crumples it, and throws it at Seungcheol. The older guy blinks, confused, but then laughing so hard when he gets the meaning.

_‘You got it?’_

“Yeah, yeah, I got it.” Seungcheol covers his mouth with his palm, “What about ‘fuck off’?”

 _‘Same with this, but add it a big rock before you throw them.’_ Seungkwan grins and Seungcheol laughs again. He’s happy that Seungkwan doesn’t seem to be as depressed as he was a week ago, even though he knew about reporters were still flooding in the front of his apartment building. He and Doyoon had asked for help from their superior—someone with extensive social network to take care of those people, but they still have to wait for the progress.

“Do you miss home?” Seungcheol asks. Seungkwan shakes his head.

 _‘Home is where I always look for another day to meet the stupid jerk you hate so much,_ Seungkwan gestures. ‘ _And I still have mixed feelings about him. I don’t want to go home, yet.’_

“I don’t hate him,” Seungcheol snorts. Seungkwan giggles, it’s obviously the opposite.

 _‘That’s fine, hyung. I’m okay now.’_ Seungkwan touches Seungcheol’s face with his palm, smiling. ‘ _I still have you and Doyoon hyung with me, and that’s more than enough.’_

Seungcheol nods, holding Seungkwan’s palm on his face. They stay like that for a moment until there’s a sliding sound coming from the door and Doyoon’s cheerful voice enters the room.

“There you are, Doctor Choi. Everyone was looking for you after surgery, but you just disappeared without a word,” Doyoon leans down and gives his husband a quick kiss. “How are you feeling, Seungkwan?” he asks. Seungkwan raises a thumb up as an answer, and Doyoon laughs at that.

“You have a package in my room, Doyoonie. It delivered when you went…” Seungcheol pauses as he glares at his husband. “Come to think of it, I didn’t know where you were when you went out earlier. Where did you go?”

“I went for a meeting,” Doyoon says. “A special meeting that requires two pair of eyes.”

“Don’t tell me you go to meet that stupid jerk—”

“He has a name, Honey. And his name is Vernon.”

Seungcheol and Seungkwan tense at Doyoon’s last word. Seungcheol pouts furiously at his husband while Seungkwan looks at Doyoon in complicated expression. Doyoon notices both of them, so he kisses Seungcheol’s pout away before touching Seungkwan’s hand gently.

“I didn’t tell him the details, of course. He asked me where you are, and I didn’t have a heart not to tell him. I’m one hundred percent sure he won’t be using the information for false purpose, though,” Doyoon chuckles when Seungcheol grunts next to him, “he’s just as confused as Seungkwan. And he was sorry, but he didn’t know what to do. I understand his feeling, I’d feel the same if Seungkwan had a strict and overprotective father like Seungcheol behind him.”

“Hey, I’m protecting my son. And as a husband of mine, you should do the same,” protests Seungcheol.

“I’m protecting my son, that’s why I let him be loved by someone who really does,” Doyoon replies softly. “I know you love Seungkwan so much, Seungcheol. But we can’t stay with him forever, he has to grow. And there will be a time when Seungkwan meets someone who loves him as much as he loves them, and we have to let him go. We won’t do it until we’re sure Seungkwan is with the right person, of course.”

Seungcheol sighs, “I still want him to be my baby.”

Doyoon smiles, “He’ll always be our little baby.”

Seungkwan takes Seungcheol’s hand and puts it on top of Doyoon’s. Both doctors look at him almost simultaneously, and Seungkwan smiles at them with happy tears brimming on his eyes.

 _‘I love you both so much_ ,’ he gestures. ‘ _Thank you for always being there for me. You’re the best kind of family I could ever ask for.’_

“Gosh, this feels like parents’ farewell with their child when the child is getting married,” Seungcheol snorts, earning soft laugh from Doyoon and Seungkwan’s cute, embarrassed face.

 

*****

 

“Good job, everyone!”

Four doctors and three nurses bow politely at each other, expressing relief and gratitude now that the surgery is over and it was a success. Seungcheol throws an arm around Doyoon’s shoulder while obviously ignoring the knowing looks the other shoot at them.

“Good job Doctor Choi, Doctor Jang.” A voice comes behind their backs, and Seungcheol turns Doyoon’s body around with him. “Or should I call you both Doctor Choi, now?”

“Chief,” Doyoon and Seungcheol bow at their supervisor. “Doyoonie doesn’t want to use my last name, though, so it’d still be Doctor Choi and Doctor Jang.” Seungcheol adds cheekily.

Doyoon elbows Seungcheol’s rib and smiles sheepishly. “Is there anything you want to tell us, Chief?”

“Your husband is always quick to catch. Learn from him, Choi Seungcheol,” Chief wiggles his eyebrows at Seungcheol who responds with a laugh. “Come on, I’ll tell you in my room.”

Doyoon and Seungcheol exchange glances, but still follow the Chief to his room without saying anything.

 

 

“Oh, stop with the long face, will you?”

Doyoon and Seungcheol jump back, startled. They didn’t realize what kind of face they’ve been putting on in the front of Surgery Department Chief, but the Chief seems too delight to bring out a bad news.

“I’m calling you here to tell you that Boo Seungkwan can go home immediately after he finished his last check-up. Don’t worry about the reporters because my men had taken care of it for you. Now his apartment is reporter-free!”

The two surgeons sigh in relief, Seungcheol squeezes Doyoon’s hand softly under the desk.

“Thank you so much, Chief. We’re terribly sorry for asking you such a favor out of nowhere.”

“Don’t say that, Doctor Jang. Seeing both of you taking care of the skater alone makes me happy, you don’t know how many people had been moved by Boo Seungkwan’s routines without even knowing that he’s mute. I’m really hoping everything goes well and we can see Seungkwan compete on the rink as soon as possible.”

“We’re hoping exactly the same thing,” Seungcheol glances at his husband and smiles. “Being mute isn’t a reason for someone to stop following their dream. On the second thought, it goes the same for any other disability conditions.”

“I agree,” Chief nods. “It’s not their ailment at fault, but how people easily judge them for being different. It has nothing to do with their life, though. I don’t see why they would be bothered with someone’s disability.”

The topic keeps going, and Doyoon withdraws himself from the conversation when his phone vibrates on his pocket. He excuses himself from Chief’s room to answer the phone—it’s a call from Vernon.

“Yes, Jang Doyoon speaking.”

_“Doyoon, can I get your help? This is… well, urgent. I need you to cooperate with me and make sure your tyrant husband isn’t around right now.”_

Doyoon chuckles softly. “You’re lucky I’m all by myself now. Seungcheol is currently speaking with my boss, I don’t know for how long but I can try to help you. So, what is it?”

_“Let me know the room Seungkwan’s in.”_

Doyoon stops walking. “Are you going to meet him?”

 _“Yeah, I’m going to do whatever it takes for him to forgive me. And this is my last chance because first, your husband had asked the whole hospital not to let me in—_ seriously, _this is considered bullying—and second, I’m going to Japan next week for only God knows how long. I don’t want to leave with Seungkwan thinks I’ve done something horrible to him then ran away without words.”_

Ah, so Seungcheol was super serious when he said he’s not going to let Vernon meet Seungkwan _at all_. Doyoon was partly unhappy at that, he was afraid Seungcheol would plant irrational beliefs on Seungkwan about Vernon and kill Vernon’s entire opportunity.

Fortunately, he didn’t seem to do it _yet_. Unfortunately, Doyoon can’t sure whether or not Seungcheol would do it, since his husband is always full of surprise.

_“Hello, Doyoon? Are you listening to me?”_

“Ah, yes,” Doyoon clears his throat. “Okay, I’ll show you his room and try to hold Seungcheol back so he won’t come to Seungkwan’s room for a while. Do your best, Vernon, or you’ll be in a big trouble. And if you dare hurt my son again, I’ll skin you alive with my own hands. You heard that?”

 _“Crystal clear, Doyoonie,”_ Doyoon can practically hear Vernon grins over the phone. _“Oh, I need another help, by the way. I’m on the second floor emergency stairs, can you help me escape?”_

Doyoon rolls his eyes. “You owe me dinner this weekend.”

_“All is on me.”_

 

*****

 

Seungkwan is sitting on his bed, making origami when Vernon slides his door open very slowly. Seungkwan looks up, smiling, thought it was his favorite hyung—either it’s Seungcheol or Doyoon. His face completely changes when he sees the real person behind the door.

Seungkwan stares at Vernon with unreadable face. Is that fright? Or shock, or even disgust? Vernon doesn’t know, but he decides that he won’t back off now.

“Um, hi,” Vernon mentally hits his own head with the weird and insincere greeting. “I know you probably hate me to death now, and I can understand very well if you don’t want to see me again after that… incident. But I still want to apologize, for everything. I never meant to hurt you in any way, I’m serious. Also for running away right after that… I’m that much of a coward and I regret it now. I’m sorry.”

Seungkwan blinks. He doesn’t react much, Vernon assumes it’s because he’s shocked enough with his appearance, let alone the sudden confession.

“I’m sorry I didn’t even try to listen to your explanation about Seungcheol. Doyoon told me everything and I felt so bad I was thinking about such nonsenses towards great people like you and Seungcheol. Seungcheol was preventing any possibilities for me to see you—and I can’t blame him, I deserved it—but I want you to hear everything from me and to decide if you can forgive me or not. Also… this, I want to give you this.”

Seungkwan averts his eyes to a glass jar Vernon is holding. The jar is full of something that seems like white papers folded in various shapes.

“This is my last chance to see you because I’m going to leave for Japan next week and I don’t know when I’ll be back. I don’t think Seungchol had forgiven me by that time too, so I’m not sure he’d let me see you again. I hope you recover well, and get to compete on the upcoming tournament,” Vernon scratches the back of his neck. “I really shouldn’t be saying this when I’m the one who’s ruined your career, but I mean everything I said. Once again, I’m sorry, Seungkwan. And thanks for being a good… _friend_ for me.”

Vernon puts the jar on the bedside, smiling at Seungkwan. He’s still the Seungkwan Vernon last remembered him, but he knows he’s different now. There’s a scar on his eyes Vernon can’t heal with just an apology, but at least he’s tried.

Seungkwan tugs on his shirt and when Vernon turns around, he gestures _‘Where are you going?’_

“I’m going home, I still have a lot to arrange before my flight to Japan. Doyoon didn’t give me a lot of time too, and it would be hard for you if Seungcheol found out I was here.” Vernon smiles and caresses Seungkwan’s face with his fingers, slow and gentle like Seungkwan was made of fragile porcelain. “If we ever meet again, I promise to take you on proper date. I’ll fold you thousands of origami, I’ll teach you the hand signs of things you loved, I’ll confess my feeling for you in a dramatically romantic way you watched on your favorite movies. I’ll defend you from everyone who tries to drag you down, I’ll never run away. Not again. I’ll be strong enough for both of us until you can stand in the podium of GPF.”

Seungkwan holds Vernon’s hand on his face, tears forming on the corner of his eyes.

 _‘Don’t leave,’_ he mouths while shaking his head frantically, _‘we still have a lot to talk about.’_

“I’m sorry, Seungkwan, but this is the best for both of us right now. I promise you I’m not leaving because I _want_ to leave you, but you need some space to see if I, the person who had hurt you, am still the right person to stay beside you. And if you still choose me later, I’ll never let you go ever again. I swear.”

Vernon’s heart feels like being ripped out of his chest when Seungkwan’s tears roll down his cheeks, as the hand holding Vernon’s hand trembling in what Vernon believes as fear. Vernon slowly puts Seungkwan’s hand down, wipes the tears from the boy’s face and turns his back to leave the room.

The emptiness in Vernon’s chest swallows him down in every step he takes as he strides on the corridor.

 

*****

 

Seungkwan thinks, maybe it’s a good thing that Doyoon is the one who stays the night with him that day. Doyoon looks exceptionally happy when he notices the glass jar—Doyoon’s observing ability is beyond average for human, he must say. He has speedy reflex to know if something had happened around him. And Seungcheol isn’t around to pamper Seungkwan _or_ ask his husband to do it for him, so Seungkwan doesn’t have to explain anything.

“Sooo…” the surgeon starts, propping his chin with both of his hands on the side of Seungkwan’s bed, “did Vernon say something to you?”

Seungkwan quickly shakes his head. Doyoon narrows his eyes, clearly suspicious.

“He couldn’t be asking me to keep my husband away from your room if he only intended to leave you the jar.” Doyoon shrugs. “He said it was urgent, when he asked me where your room was. I thought he would tell you he loved you or something.”

Seungkwan’s eyes go wide instantly, he opens his mouth only to close it again, face pink to the tip of his ears. Doyoon chuckles and ruffles Seungkwan’s hair softly.

“Oh, so someone’s been so in love,” says Doyoon happily. “Did you tell him you liked him, too? Vernon obviously loves you, I can tell from the way he looks at you and how hurt he was after the hospital incident with that ill-tempered reporter. But maybe it’s not easy for him to tell you that, and he’s probably worried about Seungcheol too. He doesn’t want you to get into another trouble.”

Seungkwan glances at the glass jar, sighing heavily before shaking his head to answer Doyoon’s question. Doyoon takes his hand and finds Seungkwan’s eyes, assuring him with his motherly smile.

“Don’t be sad, you still have another time to tell him properly. He isn’t going to stay in Japan forever, is he?”

Seungkwan tilts his head, mouthing at Doyoon, _‘You knew?’_

Doyoon nods. “Yeah, he told me on the phone. He was practically begging at me to let him to see you, and who am I to refuse such a wholehearted request?” he pauses to giggle when Seungkwan looks down again, embarrassed. “Anyway, I knew he’s serious when he told me he was sorry. The misunderstanding was stupid, but without it you wouldn’t know what kind of a person Vernon is. The result isn’t really disappointing, from my point of view.”

Seungkwan stares at Doyoon. _‘Seungcheol hyung still doesn’t like him,’_ he gestures. Doyoon laughs.

“Seungcheol naturally doesn’t like a lot of people, but he did that to Vernon because he was concerned about you. If something happened with your career as a figure skater, you know Seungcheol would be the first person to get hurt.”

_‘I don’t even know if they still can accept me as a figure skater after they found out I cannot speak.’_

Doyoon frowns, “I don’t see why it is necessary. I mean, figure skaters _don’t_ talk when they’re skating on the rink, do they? So what’s the point of kicking you off just because you can’t give them comment after your performance?”

_‘National figure skaters are representatives of their country in a worldwide competition. The more flawless they are, the more possibility they have to win. I’m sure coming with a lot of disadvantage with being mute.’_

“It’s still stupid,” Doyoon shakes his head in disbelief. “Oh, I got a call from OR. Wait here, Seungkwan, I’ll be back real fast. Press the nurse bell if you need something while I’m away, okay?”

Seungkwan nods, staring at Doyoon’s back until the surgeon’s white lab coat disappears behind the door. Seungkwan sighs, reaching for the glass jar on the bedside he hasn’t touched since it was placed there. Half part of him doesn’t want to know what’s inside—whatever it is, it can’t change anything between him and Vernon—but another part can’t help the curiosity growing inside him.

He opens the lid and puts is aside. Inside the jar was dozens of heart-shaped and star-shaped papers, Seungkwan recognizes right away Vernon made them. The shape was almost perfect, and only one person Seungkwan knows can do that.

Seungkwan picks one paper with _Boo Seungkwan, fight! Do not let other’s words hurt you. You have my full support!_ written on it. Seungkwan smiles as he takes another. _Seungkwannie, you’re amazing. No one can convince me otherwise!_ , it says. Seungkwan smiles, all the star-shaped papers had motivational words on it, telling Seungkwan to keep moving forward and be the best figure skater.

Seungkwan picks the one with heart-shape now. _From the day you told me about your dream, I fell in love_ , it says. Seungkwan chokes, a string of memory plays on his head. The day Seungkwan told the photographer about his dream to stand on GPF podium as a gold medalist. The day Vernon told him it was amazing to have a dream, and he felt inferior compared to Seungkwan because he had no goals to achieve.

Another heart-shaped paper has a _For me, you’re the most beautiful. Just stay that way and see how many people around you think the same_ on it. Seungkwan feels a sudden urge to cry, because those papers speak exactly like Vernon—and it’s so hard not to think of Vernon saying all the good things about Seungkwan right in front of his face.

He does cry in the end, clutching on the empty jar with uncontrollable tears rolling down his face. Seungkwan can’t say the whole incident didn’t break his heart, but seeing Vernon leave hurt him even more. And he couldn’t even scream his heart out to make Vernon stay.

 

(The last heart-shaped paper on the bottom of the jar has _I love you_ written on it.)

 

*****

 

“He can’t just say I love you to my son and leave for another fucking country!” Seungcheol exclaims, way too loud for eight in the morning.

Doyoon and Seungkwan exchange glances, both shrug, and continue what they’re doing before—Doyoon is twiddling with his phone to sort his surgery schedule, and Seungkwan is reading an anime magazine.

“Are you guys listening? This guy is such a big problem! And the bigger problem is: my son actually _likes_ him! And it’s—”

“Honey, pipe down. It’s eight in the morning and the patients are getting morning visit, and your loud voice is clearly distressing.” Doyoon finally looks up from his phone to scowl at his husband. “And why is it a problem that Vernon leaves the country? You don’t like him that much.”

“He left my son a half-assed confession. I _can’t_ accept this.”

“Oh, come on! It’s not like you’re going to accept it even if it was a wholehearted confession. Vernon was going under tough time when he asked me to buy him some time. Also, who asked you to read what Vernon had written for Seungkwan inside the jar?”

Seungcheol sighs at his husband, “Which side are you on, actually?”

“I’m neutral,” Doyoon answers with a grin. “Oh, by the way, Seungkwannie. Have you heard something from Soonyoung about the meeting with ISU?”

“What’s going on between Soonyoung and ISU?” Seungcheol butts in.

“Soonyoung and Coach Kang was meeting a representative to talk about Seungkwan’s case to see if he’s still allowed to compete in international competition,” says Doyoon. “Soonyoung isn’t sure ISU will be on our side, but at least they’re objective. If the chaos with the reporter didn’t damage anything, they’d let Seungkwan get back to the rink faster.”

 _‘Yeah, after they talk about me a lot behind my back,’_ Seungkwan puffs up his cheeks. _‘Anyway, I haven’t heard anything from Soonyoung hyung or Coach Kang. Maybe they don’t want me to skate anymore?’_

Doyoon glares wordlessly at Seungkwan, before he gets up to pinch Seungcheol’s waist, hard. Seungcheol yelps; surprised.

“What are you doing?!”

“Who else taught my son to be such a pessimistic man if it wasn’t _you_?!”

“What makes you think I _did_ that? He’s also your son, and he could just take after your feature!”

“You have that weird vibe with you, so of course it was _your_ feature!”

Seungkwan blinks at the sight of a married couple bickering before him—can’t help but feeling sad and guilty. Doyoon and Seungcheol were trying everything they could to get Seungkwan back to the rink, and they were keeping faith on every possibility. It must be hurt for them to see Seungkwan is showing a pessimistic attitude instead, even though both Doyoon and Seungcheol didn’t say it out loud.

Sungkwan looks down, doesn’t know how to stop the bickering and fortunately Doyoon and Seungcheol quickly catch the feeling. They stop hitting each other and both step closer to give Seungkwan a side hug, cuddling the small boy comfortably. Seungkwan chuckles; he’ll never get too old for this.

_‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said that.’_

“It’s okay Sweetie.” Doyoon ruffles Seungkwan’s hair softly. “Listen. If figure skating is not what you want to do anymore, we can accept that. We’ll always support you on your every decision, whatever is best for you. So don’t hesitate to come and tell us whenever, ‘kay?”

Seungcheol glares at his husband but Seungkwan knows Doyoon kicks his shin from under the bed, telling him to keep silent. Seungkwan sighs, Doyoon and Seungchol really do love him to his extent. They’ve been replacing Seungkwan’s nonexistent parents for a while now, and Seungkwan honestly doesn’t know what to do if he were to separate with these silly, tender and loving doctors.

“Yeah, you heard that, Son. Though if you really want to change your career, you better reconsider because figure skating is—”

“ _Honey!_ ” Doyoon hisses.

 _‘It’s fine, don’t worry. I’m not going to stop skating.’_ Seungkwan gestures, _‘I’m sorry I made you worry. I’m just… afraid. I’ve never thought there’s going to be a day people discovered my disability, and I was afraid of how they would judge me.’_

“You know we’re always be by your side even though the whole world turns their backs at you,” Doyoon smiles. “And to be real honest, your world isn’t even that narrow. You’re loved by a lot of people, they don’t care whether you’re mute or blind of even an alien. They loved you because you’re precious to them. And that should be enough to shield you from all those bad people.”

Seungkwan smiles back at Doyoon. _‘I’ll tell you when the result came,’_ he gestures.

They stay silent for a while, the room is spacious but the air feels so close hugging them in warm atmosphere. _This is home_ , Seungkwan tells himself. Being surrounded by people who love him unconditionally, who will never leave him no matter what happens to him in the future.

 

 

Soonyoung sends him a message sometime later in the afternoon, telling Seungkwan that he has to stand down all kind of competitions until the end of next year, because the public is still way too sensitive and the skating union is worried if that situation will harm Seungkwan and other parties as well. It means Seungkwan is forced to go under hiatus for the whole season next year.

On the brighter side, ISU will give him further notice on when Seungkwan will able to participate again. Soonyoung suggests it’s probably around February when the new season of competition starts again, and he promises Seungkwan he will choreograph him new routine that would shake the world in shock.

Seungkwan can’t stop the tears of joy from rolling down his cheek. He can still skate, and nothing else matters for him now.

 

*****

 

“Vernon, you don’t have to quit the job.”

“No, this decision is final, Chan.”

“The accident isn’t entirely your fault, and haven’t they solved it now? The crazy fake reporter is now being questioned by the police and Seungkwan’s side has taken legal actions relating the previous incident.”

Vernon puts his stuffs down to look at his best friend, “It’s still my fault. If Seungkwan hadn’t known me at all, if the only relationship we had was merely a photographer who works in a magazine and an athlete, things might’ve turned out differently. If only I wasn’t so obsessed with my dream—“

“—you would never fall in love with Seungkwan,” Chan cuts off harshly. “Vernon, you’re a human. Making mistake is normal for human. I know you’re feeling guilty because you thought you had ruined Seungkwan’s career, but let’s face this: even without those frenzy circumstances, you and Seungkwan would eventually find each other because it was _meant_ that way. Are you going to regret your feeling for Seungkwan as well?”

Vernon blinks. “My personal feeling doesn’t have anything to do with Seungkwan and I’m still quitting this job.”

“It has. If you’re brave enough to face your own feeling towards Seungkwan after all these events, you wouldn’t leave your job. Because you know that your job doesn’t have anything to do with your feeling for Seungkwan. But you insisted you’re leaving, are you sure you’re not running away? Because staying here with your occupation as a photographer will remind you of him?”

Vernon jolts. Chan knows too much, knows him too well. But Vernon doesn’t have any energy left to debate him.

“I think this is the time for me to be independent,” he tells Chan. “If what you’re saying was true, I was meant to find Seungkwan and vice versa, then I’ll meet him again one day. You’re right; my job doesn’t have anything to do with what I feel for Seungkwan. But this job has given me everything and I don’t want to stay here feeling tortured for what I have done.”

Chan bores a hole through his eyes on Vernon’s body. “So you do run away.”

Vernon nods and smiles bitterly. “I’m looking for a place to stay. I remained still in my comfort zone for too long.”

Chan sighs and pulls his best friend into a hug. “Be safe. Be happy. You deserve that.”

Vernon tries so hard not to cry on his best friend’s shoulder, “Yeah, you too.”

 

*****

 

Vernon meets Doyoon and Seungcheol for the first time after the incident on a warm spring day in April a year and a half later. They meet coincidentally at the street on bright daylight when Vernon is out hunting for photos, and Vernon is too surprised to even say hi.

“Vernon! What a surprise.” Doyoon is the first to break the ice, while Seungcheol pretends he doesn’t see. “So you’re staying here? Aren’t you working? Figure skating competition is already starting.”

“I quit my job,” replies Vernon. “I think being an independent photographer suits me better.”

Doyoon nods, “I see. Have you met Seungkwan yet?”

Vernon shakes his head. “I don’t think he still wants to do that. And I’m not blaming him, everything was my fault.”

“Don’t be like that,” Doyoon clicks his tongue. “Hey, why don’t we have coffee together? I’m sure my husband has a lot of things to say to you,” Doyoon elbows his husband in his rib gently, “aren’t you, Honey?”

Seungcheol lets out a lazy groan, “Yeah, sure, whatever you say.”

“It’s settled, then!” Doyoon claps happily. “Let’s go, I know a good place around here.”

 

 

An unexpected meeting turns to be even more unexpected coffee break with unexpected people. Vernon wants to laugh at how fate plays with him. Who would expect that he’d meet with Seungcheol and Doyoon, of all people, in a place where he thought he had hid himself well?

The atmosphere is really awkward and neither of them starts the conversation until Doyoon grows tired.

“So,” he says, slightly slamming the table surface to gather the other two’s attention. “Aren’t you going to say something to us, Vernon? We haven’t seen each other for over than a year, and we must’ve missed a lot from you.”

“I’m doing fine,” says Vernon, still awkward. “I’m supporting myself as a freelance photographer now, but I’m preparing for a mini exhibition as a collaboration project with other photographers. How about you? Coach Kang, and Soonyoung hyung too?”

“We’re fine. It’s been a rollercoaster of months after that incident, but everything turned out well. Seungkwan could skate again, he started back in February. Coach Kang and his partner are engaged but he’s still going to coach Seungkwan until he retired, Soonyoung is busier than ever with the grand opening of his newest dance school. I and my husband are still busy with surgeries here and there, and attending conferences overseas like we do today.”

Vernon nods, doesn’t think there’s anything else to say. He’s happy that everyone seems to be doing fine and keeps moving forward. He’s glad he’d chosen to leave.

“Vernon, Seungkwan missed you.”

Vernon looks up at the mention of Seungkwan’s name. He doesn’t see Doyoon with his cheerful voice and happy expression, now sitting across him is Doyoon with low voice and concerned expression.

“He kept waiting for you to magically show up some time after you said you’d leave to Japan. He never stops waiting, like he believes if he does so, then you would come to see him. He never stops doing that for a year and a half, even when he starts skating again. He uses this as his permanent music for his routines…” Doyoon hands him a CD with _Paper Heart_ written as the title. “It was the music he compiled after he met you. Oh, and he kept the jar too, the one you gave him at the hospital.”

Yearn and guilty mix together into an uncomfortable churn in Vernon’s stomach. He stares at the CD until it blurs when his eyes are teary.

“He made this for you,” now it’s Seungcheol who gives him something, his expression looks softer than the usual when he sees Vernon around Seungkwan. “He asked me to give this to you personally. Doyoon doesn’t even know about this.”

It’s a heart-shaped paper. It looks like Seungkwan wrote something on the paper before he folded it.

“Seungkwan told me to forgive you. He’s okay now, and he’s happier because he doesn’t have to be someone else when he isn’t on the rink. You should know that Seungkwan matters the most for me more than anything else, and I knew he was serious when he told me he was happy. That’s why… well, I still need more time but I guess we’re not going to kill each other when we meet again, _at least_.”

Doyoon smiles at his husband and turns to Vernon. “He forgives you. Well, the process is still on going, but we’ll not going anywhere without a start.”

“Meet Seungkwan here,” Seungcheol hands him a piece of paper. “Show him that you care. Show him his effort for a year and a half doesn’t betray, but that’s only if you feel the same way with Seungkwan.”

“Thank you, thank you very much. I don’t know what else to say, but thank you. Thank you for still trusting me.”

“Seungkwan had the most faith in you,” Doyoon pats Vernon’s hand gently. “He was hurt for a moment but he strongly believed you wouldn’t do something like that on purpose.”

“What happened to Reporter Oh, by the way?”

“He is paying for his crimes in jail. The motive for his behavior was revenge, because he had a son who was a big fan of Seungkwan and he wanted to hear Seungkwan’s exclusive interview. But you know, Seungkwan always avoided interviews and in the end Oh Taeoh could never fulfill his son’s dream until the boy died of illness shortly after. Oh Taeoh never heard Seungkwan giving condolences even after he told Seungkwan about his son and that hurt him the most.”

“But we’ve sorted it out,” Seungcheol adds. “Reporter Oh was feeling bad as well for exposing Seungkwan’s secret in such a horrible way.”

Vernon nods. “I see. It’s great that everything has ended and no one got hurt anymore.”

“You’re right.” Doyoon smiles and he gasps when he looks at his watch, “Gosh, look at the time! Come on, Honey, we need to go now or the professors are going to look for us. Sorry Vernon, but this is very urgent. See you later?”

Vernon gives the couple a small smile and nods. “Sure, see you later.”

He also has a plan for today, anyway.

 

*****

 

Seungkwan’s hair is blonde when Vernon meets him again. He looks healthy, and Vernon can see he’s been so much happier than the last time they met. For the first time after more than a year, Vernon realizes how much he missed Seungkwan. How much he wanted to have the boy in his arms, feeling warm and safe on Vernon’s guard. How much he loved him, and how the separation only taught him to hold on and never let go of something precious to him.

 _“I remember the way you made me feel when we first met,”_ Vernon says as he walks closer to Seungkwan. _“I remember how suspicious and mysterious you looked. I remember how I was afraid of you when you approached me first. I remember how I couldn’t forget your face after we met at Soonyoung’s event, how you talked to me in a way no one ever did.”_

Seungkwan turns around, smiling wide. He recognizes the words, they are the words he wrote on the paper heart he gave to Seungcheol the other day.

_“I remember when I first fell in love, how you made me happy and feel alive at the same time. You made me feel a lot of complicated feelings I’ve never experienced before, and it was thrilling. With you it was always adventurous, and with you I felt like a completely different person. With you, I wanted to keep growing like a bird when it first learns how to fly.”_

Seungkwan smiles even wider when Vernon stops right in front of him, brushing away a strand of hair from his forehead.

“I forget the rest,” Vernon chuckles on Seungkwan’s hair. Seungkwan chuckles as he takes Vernon’s hand and write there: _I love you_.

Vernon raises a brow. “Was that really that short?”

Seungkwan shrugs. _‘Maybe you should do something, instead.’_

Vernon smiles and holds Seungkwan’s face on his hands gently, leaning down to kiss him. The kiss speaks for all the unspoken words between them, for all the words Vernon couldn’t memorize on Seungkwan’s paper heart.

Seungkwan kisses him back with his arms tight around Vernon’s neck, and Vernon thinks that it’s more than enough.

 

**Author's Note:**

> hjdbsjdbkjadbka i managed to finish this after a MONTHF of struggling i'm so proud of myself. i exaggerated a lot of things but pls note that discrimination towards people with disability is real and is happening!! this thing is really horrible pls don't turn a blind eye to those who experience this.
> 
> yell at me on twitter? [here](http://twitter.com/minseoqt) <3


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